Holy emotions, p.2
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       Holy Emotions, p.2

          Vincent de Paul / History & Fiction
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Babe, I am confused

I don't know which way to go,

If your heart is so complicated.

I always tell you I love you, care for you

Maybe I don’t show,

Maybe you don’t know.

You tell me to love another,

And that you’re leaving;

And this is your decision

And there’s nothing I can do.

Have it your way, Babe

For there’s nothing I can do:

If you want to go alone,

And you love it away from me,

My love will still remain

‘Coz even though your love is complicated

I have learnt how to love a complicated heart

Here wit’ me you have a home.

She Left



The more I think of her

It’s the more I want her

Yet I can’t get

What she said outta my mind,

That she’s taking leave

And she wants to depart

Take some time alone;

I let go, let go of her.

I pray this is a dream,

Of course it’s a dream

And I know I’ll wake up

From this sleep, stop dreaming

When I see no more of her.



True Love



Time was passing away

Desire consuming me by the day,

Yearning for warmth

Longing for love to come along;

Longing for love to come along

where could I have gotten this love?

Who could’ve given me this love?

Who else except you, my love—

You gave my life a brand new beginning, a meaning.

You gave my life a brand new beginning, a meaning

Love is no longer the bubble-gum myth

existing only in movies and novels

‘Cause it happened to me

True love I mean.

True love I mean

I gave my heart to you

That day of our meeting, and

You gave me your heart

That day for cherishing

For it happened to us

Love I mean, the true one

When I found you my love.

Deceptions



I try not to remember

Yet I watch the smouldering embers

Of what used to be the fire

Of my desire for you

And I guess I’ll never be fooled again;

Every little thing I ever did

It was because of love

The love I believed was from above

The love that made me believe in love.

Wit’ the clouds I kissed the heavens

Wit’ the fog I hugged the oceans

only to realize too late I was part of the story,

the treacherous story of your deception.

Everything I did was for love

and now I know it’s over

I’ll never be fooled again.

Babe, you should’ve told me

When you’re taken

When you didn’t need me there

Now the pain is so excruciating

Hating the memories;

You lied and called me babe

I should’ve known I wasn’t part of you

And now that it’s over

I’ll never be fooled again.

To Love Again



I’m standing in the front yard

watching distant road

wishing I could see you from a distance

Drive through the gate, and

Walk up the front steps

and hug me the way you used to.

I’m sitting at the balcony

Wishing you were by my side

To watch the sunset together,

Hoping to see but just your ghost

To tell me that you’d be coming back

I want you to come back

I’m the one who wants to love you again.

I’m the one who wants to love you again

This lonely loneliness barters to maim,

I can’t watch a thousand sunsets alone

Or with someone else

My eyes will dry up forever.

Since you walked out the door

I haven’t been able to help the pain

I just realized I threw it all

Nothing can stop this emotion

Come, I want to love you again.

Come, I want to love you again

From distrust I shall refrain

I know what I have to gain

Nothing more I can’t contain

Nothing more I can’t obtain

Come for love so plain

The love you once craved

This love can’t be graved.

This love can’t be graved

Come, touch me once again

Crawl back to the darkest recesses of my heart

In there light that lamp

Never to be doused

Sorry, I’m the one to blame.

I’m so rich of very many things but shame

I would not stop till that moment you come

back to the arms you love

to the arms where you belong

Come, I want you to love me again.

Never Ever



Never ever had I an illusion than that of love

Never ever had I a feeling than that of love

Never ever had I been worried than for love

Never ever had I lied than ‘cause of love

Never ever had I been an al desko than for love

Never ever had I cried than because of love

Never ever had I been stupid than when in love

Never ever had I been a recessionista than for love

Never ever had I been an infomania than for love.

Never ever had I wined than when I was in love

Never ever had I wanted to forget than how to love

Never ever had I been heartbroken than by love

Never ever had I vowed than never ever to love.





Missing You



You said that in a few days

I would barely remember your name

It’s now over five years since then

And I can’t get over wit’ it.

Every time I want to pick up the phone

and talk to you till the sun comes up

tell you how I miss you

I’m missing you so...

Before my eyes

you fade away like smoke wisps.

Since you said it’s over between us

Time has been measured in bitter chapters

In the night I hear the whistles and laughter

Of your voice as when we opened the chapter

Of that book we were to write

Our happily thereafter;

I miss you so.

Babe, what happened to the vow you made

to be there in the turf for the long haul?

You know I want to be there to huddle and cuddle

I want to come but time gets away from me

Perhaps I should quit this job,

But I can’t just do it my love

That’s what I am

I miss you so.

Hope



Babe,

The passion

The affection

The liaison

The situation

Of our union

Surely babe

This drives me crazy;

I revere, and dream

Hope all along

You are mine.





The Sonnet



In mine heart is love I do cherish

The kind of love never meant to perish;

The kind of love that will never be graved

In mine heart it shall thrive;

Never before had I had such grace

Until you came along pretty Grace;

Since that day, Love, it has been you

As I walk daily to cross the stream

To be with you twenty-four seven

Everything in my life has evened out;

I want to tell you the story of my life

And dance wit’ you to the tunes of love;

Find repose in your bosom and you in my arms

And forever thrive in the charm.

(14th June, 2009)

The Crime



What more a crime

than the love you killed?

What more a delusion

than the illusion of love?

The love I had for you

and so bloodily killed.





Cold Love



It’s years since I met you.

I began by counting days

then months, now it’s years

I care of nothing anymore

Except hoping against hope

One day you’ll come back to me.

Since the very first day I saw you

Life has been a fight

to change you beyond all reckoning

and make you see I really do love you.

I think of the transient moments between us

Reminisce of the stolen times

Moments restricted only to the phone

And wish I could repair them,

Wish I said the right things.

I hate my delusional heart

the things I said

when I came with my naive heart

to you, my favourite winter love;

What’s gonna thaw that ice

Packed around thy heart

If my love won’t?

Holy Emotions



I was afraid and guilty of sin

I was corrupting an innocent mind

that day I met you.

That day I met you

my heart leapt with divine joy

that a soul as gentle as you was created

for I was to escape

from the stinging slum of hypocrites.

If it were enough to sit without words

what do you think I wouldn’t have told you?

How I wished you would just go away

Never to come back again!

I should’ve listened to your plea then

I should have known right from the start

mine were just holy emotions.

Since that day

I just feel,

I count on the words we shared

Deep down they burn like fire

Knowing that I love you

Yet you can’t

I ought not to feel that way

Men of the cloth don’t

Theirs are holy emotions.

War of Love



I am a fighter but I don’t fight

I’m besieged,

I wasn’t prepared for this war

Yet I realise I must fight

Be in the battlefield

And risk losing

Than those who lurk behind.

When you were about to lose

I thought I was about to win

But yours was deception;

You ensnared me

And I lost the war,

Yet I’m in the battlefield

Won by those who lurked behind.

Now I find myself alone

At the end of my wits

I can’t fight any more

I’ve lost the war

Yet I’m in the battlefield

Won by those who lurked behind;

You’ve shattered my will to fight

Lost you to another lover

Lost this war of love

But I promised;

Now I wait as I promised

Yet I know I lost the war a long time ago.

Lost in Love



I used to think

I was in love

But now I know

Love never came my way

It’s one big illusion.

I’m not in love

Yet I want to fly like a dove

I feel I am in love

Yet I know I’m not in love

Only to realize I do love

There’s no need to run from love.

I thought I had met her

the only girl I ever knew

but now I know

Girls never ever came my way

It’s an illusion

I was lost in love

But can’t run from love.

The Quest



Seven years now since then

I have lived in pain

Seven years before you walked out

I couldn’t believe you would

Seven years I have tried my best

To make this work

Seven years of loneliness

I couldn’t stay without you

Seven years in a quest

To look for one like you

Seven years I’ve found none

Getting those who can’t afford to be seen.

Seven years later I’m back

this my humble request

please, bury the past.

My last thread of hope: I put my faith in you

If you’re fighting with yourself, stop fighting

I must accept maybe you’ll not return

But I want to end this quest

Maybe I should learn how to live on my own

But with love that I’ve kept for you

It’s true from my fruitless quest

You are one in a million.

Crazy About You



Just a touch and there’s no way back

Can hardly believe it

I could feel this way

For anyone;

Just a kiss and there’s no way back

There’s a feeling inside me

Making me go crazy.

This feeling is real

When I lie on your bosom

I feel more than at home;

You open up my heart

To love you more and more

It’s all I want to do.

Every time you touch me I melt away

Oh babe, can hardly believe it yeah

I could feel this way for a lifetime

Every time you touch me

It’s all I want to do

Every time you kiss me

I feel melting away

Burning my heart

Going crazy about you.

(For Liebichen)

First Kiss



With no hope of reaching you I write to you

I hope you will hear my silent voice,

I want to break that ice packed around your heart;

I am a victim of overwhelming nostalgia,

I want to go back to that day, my dear

That day all hell broke loose;

Apologize for whatever happened

‘Coz of my desire for the desire of my lips

The longing and desire for that first kiss

That kiss so brusque yet lasts forever,

That kiss I madly craved for but never got

That kiss that made you walk out the door.

How was I to know, you never told me?

Every day I had been waiting, longing

every day I had desired, yearning

Languishing to taste the lips of my desire

if you could see my inside that day...

If I had any goodness I lost it that day

I desired the first kiss, the kiss I never got.

Lonely



Sitting up in my room

Wondering what’s gonna become of me

Bobby Womack’s on the radio

Singing to me

“If you think you’re lonely now”

I think of “We Belong Together”

Wait a minute this is different

Akon picks up saying...

“Can’t believe I had a girl like you

And I just let you walk out of ma’ life…”

I must say it, babe

I’ve never been so lonely in my life;

Everything I look at

everything I touch

the air around

where you used to do your hair

Reminds me of what used to be

The emptiness of everything

Reminds me of how lonely I am

Tells me that I threw it all

And that’s why I am lonely.

Sitting up in my room

Hoping against all hope

That I’m not lonely but alone

Yet I know it’s not true;

What then? I threw it all

and there’s nothing I can do.

I know you said it’s over

All I want you to know is

you truly loved me babe

and I just let you walk out

I’m so lonely...



In Love



It just happens

Once in a lifetime, or so they say,

That feeling we all desire

When the scent of romance smells

And the glory of beauty on you shines

Something as intense and joyous

Yet sorrowful as love is aroused

It seems proof like no other

That nothing exists but the joy of love

You are not living but are alive

You become a singer of rhythm of love

You believe you fly with wings of a dove

That’s when you know you are not in love

But you’re in love, and you love it.



Crime of Love



A mastermind you are my love

the most wanted for crime of love;

You robbed me of my heart

And so far away you ran my love.

Efforts so futile are mine

to take you down

I keep on missing you

despite my marksmanship…

I miss and love you, my love.

As long as the world goes round

I long to live not to be astound

to find you no longer lust for my love to gorge

my love for you is as hot as blacksmith’s forge.



I Love You



In a strange world full of strangers;

Love couldn’t be found from any other

Oh darlin’

Verily from the deepest of my heart

Entrenched like no other

You’ve to hear it all, I Love You

Oh thou who’s sent from above

Unscathed shall it in me live this love.

I Watched Her Leave



I listened to her recede from our love nest.

When she’d given me the Miss Dump treatment

A heart’s fruit of a holy love rejected

That love I have always had it dejected

Christ, my soul has never been so dark

Heartbroken, into the silver love sea sun sank

Everything within me came to a standstill

Death of a love I’d thought it never will.

Hours later her silent voice in me echoed

Ethereal reality of it overwhelmed mine heart

Realms of once sweet life seemed so cruel.

Like an artillery salvo she had startled me

Especially by her cold silence

And then I watched her figure shimmer away;

Vexed since I’d done nothing wrong

Everything now has turned to mere nonentity.

At Last We Met



Past to me was that fateful day

when I watched her walk away

and could do nothing to make her stay

not that I did not do my best

to make her come back
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