Wild, p.1TK Wade
Cover Art Illustrated by:
T.K. Wade and Coy Fields II
Copyright © 2013 by T.K. Wade
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This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.
Chapter 1 – “Chicken”
Scrit and Scrap were known for their antics–not that it was an unusual thing to see a squirrel or two dashing across the street. But these two had made a game out of it.
“You’re gonna get yourselves killed,” the old squirrel would say. Mr. Acorn was always just there to annoy them. They never listened to him though.
Scrit was on his mark and awaiting the next vehicle. “I think I see one coming!”
Scrap was on the opposite side of the street. He could see the sedan on its way. “Yep!” shouted the friend. “It’s heading your way a little faster than the other ones! Better not screw it up!”
“I’m ready! I’m ready!” the eager squirrel shouted in return. He had only done this a few time. He wanted to be like one of the all-time greatest chicken dashers, like the great Chipper Scram Scram the Third. Some even said that the famous squirrel had moved up to the four- and five-lane highways.
As the sedan was nearly about to fly on past, Scrit bolted across the street. The driver slammed on the brakes and turned sharply to the left. Scrit could actually feel the car passing just behind him as he jumped up onto the other side of the street. He screamed, “What a rush!” Scrap took him by the paws and the two danced in a circle to celebrate the close call.
Mr. Acorn scurried up to the two idiots. He gruffly cleared his throat and said, “It almost ran him straight over! Are you both out of your minds?!”
The two younger squirrels blew a raspberry at him. Scrap said, “You have no idea what it’s like to have fun.”
Mr. Acorn replied, “I know what its like to grow old. If you two keep this up, that’s one thing you’ll never get to see.”
Scrit was not really interested in what he had to say. “I heard that one time a squirrel got one of them cars to go right off the road. If that happens to me, I’ll be famous!”
The old squirrel sighed and shook his head. As he returned to his tree, he was reminded of the time that he did silly things like that. What on earth was he thinking?
Scrap got prepared for his turn. A blue-colored minivan was coming down the road pretty fast. “You got to time it just right for these big ones. If just one tire hits, it’s all over.”
“Are you scared?” asked the newcomer.
“Nah. I do this all the time. Just keep practicing, and someday, you’ll be just as cool as me.”
“I wanna be cool,” said Scrit with a face that oozed a lust for fame.
At just the last moment, Scrap dashed out into the street. The minivan made no attempt to stop like the sedan; however, the squirrel still made it to the other side in one piece. He shouted, “Piece of cake!”
Scrit excitedly took his mark. “I’m not gonna be afraid! I’m gonna be the best!”
“That’s the spirit! And here comes one now!”
Scrit hopped up and down out of pure excitement. The truck was moving pretty fast. How cool would it be if he could get it to plow right into one of the houses? That would be hilarious!
Trying to time it just right, Scrit dashed back out into the street; however, he suddenly stopped half way and fell onto his belly. The truck passed on by.
Scrap covered his mouth in shock. Scrit peered up at his friend and asked, “Why did I stop?”
Scrap pointed. “Your tail! Look at your tail?”
Scrit looked back. His tail was completely flattened into the pavement. He was just in too much shock to feel it. He whined, “I can’t move! I’m stuck to the road! Scrap, come help me!”
“I can’t! There’s another one coming!”
“But I can’t move! Scrap!”
Scrap covered his eyes and heard the resulting thump, thump of a car running over his friend. After taking a peek through his fingers, it was now painfully evident that his friend had been smashed into the asphalt.
He took a moment and just gawked at the scene. The poor kid; he just wanted to be famous. However, after a few moments, the squirrel suddenly asked himself, “Now, who the heck am I gonna play with?!”
Chapter 2 – “Trash”
It was dark, but that was pretty normal. As a general rule, kitchens were generally very dark at three o’clock in the morning. Ned and Sara had to be quiet. Raccoons were never welcome in places like these.
Ned peeked around the corner and then looked back at his wife. “I think everyone’s still asleep. Looks like that little window-slamming incident didn’t draw any attention, dear.”
Sara blushed. “Come on, that could have happen to anybody.”
“You see, this is why I never bring you anywhere.”
“But Ned, we never go out anymore. I’m starting to worry about our relationship. I mean… a dumpster here and there is one thing, but I just wanted to go somewhere special for our anniversary.”
Ned sighed. She had a point. Still, it did not take a lot of coordination to open a dumpster, and that was something she never really had. But it had always been her flaws that made her so endearing. He hugged her and said, “Baby, don’t worry. Tonight, we are gonna have a special dinner–just you and me. I’m talking about the most high-class cuisine in the entire town.”
Her eyes lighted up with joy. “You mean it?”
“Yeah, and it’s all for you.”
“Where is it?”
He cracked a devilish smile and signaled over to one of the cabinets. “I bet you never saw a trash bin inside of a cabinet before.” He opened the door to show her. True enough, there it was.
Sara was amazed. “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that.”
“See, these humans are so wealthy that they even store their garbage in high-class surroundings. Check it out: the bag is even scented.” Both raccoons sniffed the air and breathed out a sigh of lemon-scented bliss.
Sara blushed. “Oh, Ned. This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. I hope it never ends.”
“It hasn’t even started yet. Ready to dig in?”
Both raccoons grabbed the top of the bin and tipped it over onto the floor of the kitchen. An array of discarded foodstuffs poured out from inside. The raccoons wasted no time in crawling into the overturned container and eating whatever they could find.
Sara was slurping at the inside of a peanut butter jar, which also had some discarded Chinese food in it. “This is amazing; it tastes so fresh.”
Ned was busy trying to stick his head into a potato chip bag. There were some old beans and hotdog bits inside. “Only the best for you, my dear.”
Sara popped her head out of the jar and contentedly chewed on the hardened, fried chicken bits. “Honey, that baggy thing is making a lot of noise.”
“But it’s full of such wonderful things!”
“More wonderful than me?”
Ned pulled the bag from off of his head. His face ju
The lights suddenly came on. Both raccoons looked up from there yummy treats to see a human woman scream at the top of her lungs. Both raccoons made a dash for the window, but the floor was too slippery from the spillage. They all just randomly slid around in a complete lack of coordination. The mess was only being spread around even more by their failed escape plan.
Suddenly, the man of the house arrived with the mother of all raccoon-dispensing weapons: a broom. Smack after smack, the raccoons were pelted by the horrible tool. The two of them finally made their way back to the window and crawled out into the yard.
After being sure they were safe, the husband and wife held each other while panting heavily from the excitement. Ned finally asked, “So, was it everything you hoped it would be?”
She giggled and kissed him on the lips. “Of course, it was. Everywhere is heaven as long as I’m with you.” The two hugged and ran home to sleep for the rest of the night.
Chapter 3 – “The Other Bird”
Ryan had always been a proud cardinal. Every day, he would wake up, fly off to the most prominent of trees, and perch upon it for all to see. And why not? There were few who could compare to his pretty-bird looks.
Of course, that is how he would have liked it to go. The reality was that this ritual was commonly thwarted by the appearance of his double. Ryan tried not to be jealous. Such a display could prove most unbecoming of the pretty bird, but it was obvious that more action would have to be taken.
“I see you over there,” said the cardinal. “You think that mocking me by copying my every move will make you great. Pshaw. Such actions will benefit you not.”
The other bird had spent the entire conversation mimicking every beak movement, every mannerism, and every bit of Ryan’s beautiful posture. It could almost be considered a crime to do such a thing. Well, at the very least, it should be a crime.
“Am I really that much of a joke to you? Is it really not a waste of your time to perch in front of me and display such a crude mockery of myself?” Seeing the other bird still mimic his every movement, the cardinal ruffled his feathers and turned about. “I will ignore you. After all, I am the better of the two of us.”
It seemed like the perfect plan. Just turn around, and Ryan would not have to deal with the annoying reprobate anymore. For a while, the cardinal was content. Now that he did not have to worry about the annoyance, he would proudly tweet so that the others would know of his majestic presence. This worked for a while, at least.
Regardless of his denial, Ryan would occasionally glimpse the other bird out of the corner of his eye. So what if he could not see him; the cardinal still knew that he was there. And what of his grand assortment of admirers? They would see the mockery even if he could not. The conditions were simply unacceptable.
One day, the cardinal looked behind him. There was the other bird. He was still mocking his every move. Anger began to fill Ryan’s heart. With this bird constantly sitting behind him, he would still be considered a joke to the passersby. Slowly, he turned around on the branch and angrily stared at the other bird.
“Your joke has gone on long enough. I expect you to leave immediately.” The bird still mocked him. “Are you deaf?! I said I wish for you to leave this instant!” The bird still mocked. “If you persist in constantly making a joke out of everything I hold dear, then I will be forced to attack!” The other bird never stopped.
“I have a very important routine! Regardless of how you feel about me, I am the most majestic creature in this part of town! To be mocked by something no more than a… a second-rate is more aggravating than I can imagine! So, I ask you to desist!” The other bird still persisted.
Ryan glared into the other bird’s eyes. Those eyes were just as angry as his own. Something like that could not be faked. “So! It all comes out! Jealousy! Just petty Jealousy! And for this, you have come here, day after day, just to make my life miserable! I have had enough of you! I have absolutely had enough of you and your incessant ridicule! Do you want a fight?! Do you really desire to do battle with me?!”
The expression on the other bird was clear. As Ryan reared himself ready to strike, so did the enemy. “Have at you then!”
Ryan leapt off of the branch and darted directly towards the other bird who did the exact same thing. Their beaks struck and both flew away to go for another pass. Ryan cried, “I hate you! I hate you with every fiber of my being! I wanted to be beautiful, but because of you, I am just a joke!”
Once again, the two beaks collided. Ryan flew away to a farther branch. He glowered at the other bird with so much hate. With everything he could muster, he screamed at the enemy, “Enough with these games! No more mocking! No more injustice! I am going to kill you! I am going to kill you for ruining my life!”
And with that, Ryan sprung from the branch, flew up into the air as high as he could, and then darted downward towards the offending bird. He flew with such swiftness that he was sure to destroy him in one fell swoop. When the moment finally came, Ryan heard a loud crunch and everything went dark. He had broken his neck on the window.
Chapter 4 – “Family”
Timmy the coyote hung his head down low as he moped right into the den. Peter, the boy’s father, took notice of his sulking kid. The boy tripped over a pile of bones and just laid flat upon the floor. This was followed by a very sorrowful sigh.
Obviously concerned for his son’s well-being, the father asked, “Is there something wrong, Son?”
The boy sighed again as if trying to gain even more attention. “Oh, it’s nothing, Pop.”
Peter trotted over to his son and helped the boy to his feet with a well-placed bite to his scruff. “Now, what did I say about keeping secrets? Tell your old man what the problem is.”
The little coyote rubbed his nose with his leg and said, “It’s Billy from the other valley, Pop. Told me I was good for nothin’. Can’t even catch an ol’ jackrabbit.”
Peter chuckled. “Is that all, son? That’s nothing to worry your little head over!” The father ruffled up the boy’s head fur. “I’ve seen you catch plenty jackrabbits!”
“But Billy doesn’t know that! I bet he’s been telling all the other guys… and maybe even the girls. None of ‘em are gonna like me anymore.”
Kate trotted from deeper inside the den. “Honey, I got dinner all trussed up in there…” She gasped when she saw her son. “Timmy! You look awful! Are you sick?!”
Peter blocked her from getting to him. “Now, now, dear, the boy is just having problems with his friend. I’m pretty sure this is a matter his father can help him with.”
“What kind of problems? They aren’t biting him, are they?”
“Oh, I don’t think so, dear.”
Timmy peeked around to see her. “Well, actually he did nip at me a little. He looked like he was gonna do more, so I ran away.”
Kate forced her way past Peter and checked him over. Peter grumbled, but he knew that there was little he could do to stop her now that a potential injury was involved. The mother said, “You do have a few “boo-boos” on your bottom, dear.” She licked at them.
Once more, Timmy let out a sorrowful sigh. “What do I do? Catch a jackrabbit in front of him?”
Peter sat down on his haunches and replied, “Things like these tend to cycle out of control, son. You need to stand up to him or you’ll always be afraid. Who knows, he might get some of the other boys in on it… then where will you be?”
“But gee willikers, Pop, Billy’s so much bigger than me!”
Kate cocked her head. “Big-nosed Billy? Dear, he’s just as small as you are.”
Peter concurred, “Yes, dear, I was just getting to that. He’s just putting on a big front. But I’ll tell you a secret, Son. He has one major weakness.”
Timmy asked, “What’s that, Pop?”
“He’s not my son. You can take him any day
“You want me to take him?”
Peter smiled proudly. “Well, naturally I expect you to kill him. Just give him a good hard bite to the neck. After a few jerks, he’ll go right to sleep.”
Timmy looked up to his mother. “Mom, do you think I should do it?”
She sighed and nodded. “Your father is right, honey. You should go out there and break his neck. At the very least, the other coyotes will respect you for it. Just try not to track too much blood into the den when you come back. I just cleaned.
Timmy hopped into the air with newfound courage. “That’s what I’ll do! I’ll kill him, and he won’t be makin’ fun of me no more!”
Peter chuckled. “Go get him, sport!”
Timmy darted out of the den to take care of business. Peter stood next to his wife and let out a happy sigh. “There he goes, dear.”
She nodded as a little tear rolled down her furry cheek. “Our boy is growing up.”
Peter quickly snapped out of it and asked, “So, what’s for dinner?!”
She giggled and walked towards the back. “I think his name is Robert.”
“Sounds delicious, dear.”
Chapter 5 – “Motherhood”
It was something that you could almost always find on a mid-Monday afternoon. Mothers from all around would gather near the golf course in Alice Springs, and every last one of them were kangaroos. Of course, their sons were there too.
As usual, Maggie was the center of attention. Her boy was proudly propped up in her pouch and seemed happy to just peer about at all the onlookers. His mother was the big talker of the bunch. “I’m not bragging when I say that Ricky here is no stranger to fame. Wins just about every contest he enters and puts those other boys to shame.”
Surprisingly, the other mothers were not terribly bothered by the outright swanking. Not that she was enjoyable by any means, but Maggie was the one who started this whole thing. She was given a lot of leniency for this reason.
Wild by TK Wade / Humor have rating 3 out of 5 / Based on15 votes