Woodchuck Martinis

      Tammy Alward
Woodchuck Martinis

Together Lucy and her alter ego, Shallow Lucy, navigate life's dating minefields. They battle for control of Lucy's love life through dates with Toothless Stanley and the son of Sasquatch. Lucy listens patiently to first-date stories like the gentleman who came home to find his ex-wife with a sheep, a pot-bellied pig and a man wearing nothing but pink leather chaps and a fuchsia boa.If you find yourself swimming in the dating pool, Woodchuck Martinis will arm you with important skills such as:1. Refocusing attention away from your fixation on a perceived physical “flaw” on a first date (like the fact that his back appears to be entirely covered with pubic hair) in order to evaluate the entire man.2. Knowing when to put down the Ben & Jerry’s and just walk away as you stare at the phone, spoon in hand, willing it to ring awaiting his promised call days after the first time you’ve had sex with your new love interest.3. Devising and executing the perfect revenge for a cheating husband and his home-wrecking, 20-something girlfriend utilizing available items such as strategically placed poison ivy, a skunk, and a doggie door.4. Recognizing (and actually heeding) those pesky first-date red flags we all too often ignore when hopelessly lost in a sea of hormones. 5. Creating and implementing fool-proof date-ditching escape plans like (gasp!) being honest.6. Avoiding the not-so-fool-proof date-ditching escape plans like sneaking out a window to avoid the proverbial Death by Boredom Syndrome.
Read online