True Confessions of Margaret Hilda Roberts Aged 14 ¼

      Sue Townsend
True Confessions of Margaret Hilda Roberts Aged 14 ¼

Now available as an ebook novella is the brilliantly funny True Confessions of Margaret Hilda Roberts by Sue Townsend

Tuesday May 24th

Had a lie in until 6am. Then got out of bed and had a brisk rub down with the pumice stone. I opened the curtains and saw that the sun was shining brightly. (A suspicion is growing in my mind that the BBC is not to be trusted.)

Margaret Hilda Roberts is a rather ambitious 14 � year old grocer's daughter from Grantham. She can't abide laziness, finds four hours of chemistry homework delightful and believes she is of royal birth - or at least destined for great things. But Margaret knows that good things never come to those who wait . . .

These are the secret diary entries of a girl born into an ordinary life, yet who might just go on to become something really rather extraordinary, and she is brilliantly brought vividly to life by bestselling author Sue Townsend, Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.

'Essential reading for Mole followers' Times Educational Supplement

'Wonderfully funny and sharp as knives' Sunday Times

Sue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55�), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

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    The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole

      Sue Townsend
The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole

At sixteen, Adrian Mole's life continues to be nothing but a set of tragic circumstances: His tempestuous relationship with an alluring schoolmate tortures him, while his intellectualism continues to be ignored by the British press. Despite it all he remains as agonizingly funny as ever in this, the second of his diaries.

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    The Queen and I

      Sue Townsend
The Queen and I

The Queen and I is the brilliantly funny novel by Sue Townsend, author of the Adrian Mole series.

THE MONARCHY HAS BEEN DISMANTLED

When a Republican party wins the General Election, their first act in power is to strip the royal family of their assets and titles and send them to live on a housing estate in the Midlands.

Exchanging Buckingham Palace for a two-bedroomed semi in Hell Close (as the locals dub it), caviar for boiled eggs, servants for a social worker named Trish, the Queen and her family learn what it means to be poor among the great unwashed. But is their breeding sufficient to allow them to rise above their changed circumstance or deep down are they really just like everyone else?

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    Ghost Children

      Sue Townsend
Ghost Children

She hadn't the heart to tell him she had done away with his baby. She had not wanted to commit herself. He worked with his hands, on a bench instead of a desk. He was Mr. Wrong. And yet she loved him. Seventeen years later he reappears. It unnerves her. Does he love her still? Does he hate her? They are middle-aged, they've lost their looks (he has lost his job). But they remember vividly how rapturous it was between them.

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    Adrian Mole and the Weapons of Mass Destruction

      Sue Townsend
Adrian Mole and the Weapons of Mass Destruction

Adrian Mole, now age thirty-four and three quarters, needs proof that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction so he can get a refund from a travel agency of the deposit he paid on a trip to Cyprus. Naturally, he writes to Tony Blair for some evidence.

He’s engaged to Marigold, but obsessed with her voluptuous sister. And he is so deeply in debt to banks and credit card companies that it would take more than twice his monthly salary to ever repay them. He needs a guest speaker for his creative writing group’s dinner in Leicestershire and wonders if the prime minister’s wife is available.

In short, Adrian is back in true form, unable—like so many people we know, but of course, not us—to admit that the world does not revolve around him. But recognizing the universal core of Adrian’s dilemmas is what makes them so agonizingly funny.

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    Adrian Mole 07; The Lost Diaries 1999-2001

      Sue Townsend
Adrian Mole 07; The Lost Diaries 1999-2001

First appeared in The Guardian from 4-12-1999 to 24-1-2001

Entering ‘early middle age’ Adrian Mole lives alone with his two sons and a growing suspicion that life is passing him by. But that’s the least of his problems. Forced to move his family to the notorious Gaitskell Estate, Adrian is soon doing hilarious battle once again with the fickle finger of fate – and more immediately: feral neighbours and rampant head lice, an on-off affair with shaven-headed housing officer Pamela Pigg, Pandora Braithwaite MP’s Westminster tribulations, a fraternal reunion from hell, moral decline in The Archers, several disastrous brushes with employment and even a flirtation with therapy (and his therapists). Adrian also has to cope with both parents being admitted to hospital (and one sent to prison), the welfare of a pair of impressionable boys, the genesis of a brand new novel and formal confirmation at last that he is indeed suffering from severe hypochondria. Oh, and an earthquake. In Leicester. Can Adrian make sense of his own life at a time when the entire world seems to have lost the plot?
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    Adrian Mole: The Cappuccino Years

      Sue Townsend
Adrian Mole: The Cappuccino Years

End of Century Mole. An accidental celebrity, with a spreading bald patch, despairing of current family values, Mole is still worrying: Is Viagra cheating? Why won't BBC1 produce The White Van, his serial killer comedy? Will the Millennium Wheel EVER turn? Will Pandora Braithwaite MP become Blair's favourite babe? Will Pauline Mole throw caution to the winds with a pre-millennuim fling? Will George Mole regain his erectile function? And will Adrian himself find the fulfilment he seeks as celebrity offal chef, single parent, and celibate novelist?

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    Number 10

      Sue Townsend
Number 10

Edward Clare, PM of England, doesn’t know the price of a liter of milk. Worse, he’s admitted it on national television. The public that ushered him to a landslide election has turned against him.

Edward decides the only way to get closer to the men and women on the street is to travel the country dressed in drag. Leaving his high-powered, ambitious wife to attend to things in his absence, he sets out.

In this comic romp Sue Townsend sends up, roasts, hoists and generally petards the once and future prime ministers as only she can.

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    True Confessions of Adrian Albert Mole

      Sue Townsend
True Confessions of Adrian Albert Mole

Adrian Mole has grown up. At least that’s what it says on his passport. But living at home, clinging to his threadbare cuddly rabbit ‘Pinky’, working as a paper pusher for the DoE and pining for the love of his life Pandora has proved to him that adulthood isn’t quite what he hoped it would be. Still, intellectual poets can’t always have things their own way …

Included here are two other less well-known diarists: Sue Townsend and Margaret Hilda Roberts, a rather ambitious grocer’s daughter from Grantham.

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    Rebuilding Coventry

      Sue Townsend
Rebuilding Coventry

From its title on, Sue Townsend's short, utterly entertaining novel is full of jokes both sly and slapstick. The Coventry of the title is one Coventry Dakin, the novel's narrator, and a devoted, intelligent, but intensely bored wife and mother maintaining her dull husband and two nearly-grown children in suburban Midlands. Coventry also just killed her neighbor, a jerk named Gerald Fox who's been spreading nasty (and false) rumors about her. Now she's on the lam, and Townsend, author of the well-loved Adrian Mole series of books, takes us down and out on a comic excursion into London, where Coventry, now a penniless fugitive, seeks protection with both the lowest and highest levels of British society.

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    Adrian Mole: The Prostrate Years

      Sue Townsend
Adrian Mole: The Prostrate Years

Adrian Mole is 39 and a quarter. Unable to afford the mortgage on his riverside apartment, he has been forced to move into a semi-detached converted pigsty next door to his parents, George and Pauline. His ravishing wife Daisy loathes the countryside, longs for Dean Street and has yet to buy a pair of Wellingtons; they are both aware the passion has gone out of their marriage, but neither knows how to reignite the flame. To cap it all off, Adrian is leaving his bed numerous times a night to go to the lavatory and has other alarming symptoms, leading him to suspect prostate trouble.

Meanwhile, his mother thinks that an appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show might solve the mystery of her daughter's paternity once and for all. And when George is asked to provide a DNA sample, will the shock kill him? He is already disabled, though still chain smoking and has had an ashtray welded onto the arm of his wheelchair.

As Adrian's worries multiply, a phone call to his old flame Dr Pandora Braithwaite, BA, MA, PhD, MP and Junior Minister in the Foreign Office, ignites memories of a shared passion and makes him wonder - is she the only one who can save him now?

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    The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year

      Sue Townsend
The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year

The day her twins leave home, Eva climbs into bed and stays there. For seventeen years she's wanted to yell at the world, 'Stop! I want to get off'. Finally, this is her chance. Her husband Brian, an astronomer having an unsatisfactory affair, is upset. Who will cook his dinner? Eva, he complains, is attention seeking. But word of Eva's defiance spreads. Legions of fans, believing she is protesting, gather in the street. While Alexander the white van man brings tea, toast and sympathy. And from this odd but comforting place Eva begins to see both herself and the world very, very differently. . .

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    Queen Camilla

      Sue Townsend
Queen Camilla

For the past thirteen years, as England became an increasingly unhappy and fearful place, Prince Charles has been living quietly on a bleak council estate, The Flower Exclusion Zone (known locally as 'The Fez), with his wife and love of his life, Camilla. He enjoys gardening and poultry keeping while Camilla spends her days doing as little as possible, alongside their fellow ASBO-subjected neighbours.

But life is about to change... Charles refuses to follow his destiny unless his wife can be Queen - and public opinion suggests the people would rather have Jordan than Camilla on the throne. But no sooner has Prince William offered himself as the next monarch, than one Graham Cracknall of Ruislip emerges - claiming to be Charles and Camilla's secret love child, and therefore the rightful heir to the crown.

When the battle for the Crown begins the dogs on the Fez begin a struggle of their own - one that sweeps across the dog population of England. As Harris, the Queen's irascible corgi says, 'we've been domesticated for too long, it's time we showed our bleeding teeth.' Will sanity prevail over the right royal cock up that England has become? Or will chaos reign supreme?

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    Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years

      Sue Townsend
Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years

Adrian Mole has at last reached physical maturity, but he can't help roaming the pages of his diary like an untamed adolescent. Finally given the heave-ho by Pandora, he seeks solace in the arms of Bianca, a qualified hydraulic engineer masquerading as a waitress. Between his dishwashing job and completing his epic novel, 'Lo! The Flat Hills of My Homeland', Adrian hopes that fame and fortune will not keep him waiting much longer.

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