Walmart to Wolf House: Sonoma County Essays

      Rob Loughran
Walmart to Wolf House: Sonoma County Essays

"Walmart to Wolf House: Sonoma County Essays" is a collection of writing from 1983-2015. It's concerned with family, Jack London, shopping at Walmart, beer, cancer, Bonsai, writing, impact craters, Homer Simpson, and Marathon running. Rob Loughran has published 23 books and over 300 articles in national magazines. Twenty-nine of those articles are collected in "Walmart to Wolf House".Agent Cosgrove gave one simple instruction; keep the door closed. Dayton and Maribelle try their best to adhere, but time was never on their side. What awaits on the other side of the door? Why wait? Panic and fear can lead a person to terrible mistakes.

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    The Official "I Hate Women" Jokebook

      Rob Loughran
The Official "I Hate Women" Jokebook

Bartender Rob Loughran noticed that most of the jokes he heard at work were about women. So he wrote them all down and published them in "THE OFFICIAL "I HATE WOMEN" JOKEBOOKHis wife and five daughters think he's an idiot.Bartender Rob Loughran noticed that most of the jokes he heard at work were about women. So he wrote them all down and published them in "THE OFFICIAL "I HATE WOMEN" JOKEBOOKHis wife and five daughters think he's an idiot for telling jokes like:What’s the best thing to do when you see your wife staggering around on your front lawn?Shoot her again.Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?Because they don’t have any balls to scratch.A man walks into a bar and orders a Tanqueray Sapphire martini. He slams it down, looks in his shirt pocket and orders another. He repeats this five times, then asks for the tab. The bartender totals it up and says, “Why do you examine the contents of your pocket after each drink?”“I have a picture of my wife in there. When she starts looking good I go home and fuck her.”Did you hear about the new morning after birth control pill for men?It alters their blood type.An old man walks into a bar and the barkeep says, “What’s new?”The old guy says, “I think my wife died.”“You think?”“Yeah. The sex is the same but the dishes are piling up.”Why are there 7.2 million abused women in the United States of America?Because they never shut the fuck up.What’s the main difference between a blonde cheerleader and a bowling ball?You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.“Please deliver the moped,” said Ron to the salesman, “with a note that says, Happy Birthday from your Husband.”“A little surprise for the wife?” asked the clerk.“Hell yes, she’s expecting a Mercedes.”Why don’t they let women swim in the ocean?They can’t get the smell out of the fish.

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    The Smartest Kid in Petaluma

      Rob Loughran
The Smartest Kid in Petaluma

Norman Babbit is the smartest kid in Petaluma. He is also the youngest kid in junior high and his teachers, his little sister and the school bully are driving him crazy. If only his science project qualifies for the Nationals in Washington DC...The smartest kid in Petaluma never thought seventh grade would be like this! When Norman Babbit skipped a grade and entered junior high a year early he thought his life would be great. But the school bully forces Norman to do his homework, his younger sister is a brat, his English teacher hates him, his older brother is trying to fill in for their deceased father, and his mother thinks all Norman's problems are dietary. If it weren't for his best friend Chris and his pet owl Luigi, Norman would go crazy. With the deadline for his science project approaching as fast as a showdown with the bully, Norman simply has too many problems and no solutions.

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