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       Dork Diaries Book 12: Tales From a Not-So-Secret Crush Catastrophe, p.1

           Rachel Renée Russell
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Dork Diaries Book 12: Tales From a Not-So-Secret Crush Catastrophe


  To all of my Dork Diaries fans with a secret crush.

  You know who you are !

  WEDNESDAY, MAY 21—7:15 A.M.

  AT HOME

  SQUEEEEEE !! I think I’m suffering from a severe case of CRUSH-ITIS!!

  OMG! I wonder if I’m actually falling in . . .

  . . . because I feel so INSANELY happy, I could VOMIT sunshine, rainbows, confetti, glitter, and those cute little Skittles candy thingies! My heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty, and the butterflies fluttering around inside my stomach are making me feel a little queasy.

  Unfortunately, there is no known CURE. . . .

  MY CRUSH-ITIS DIAGNOSIS

  How I got this acute case of crush-itis is kind of a long and complicated story. I was just about to eat breakfast and head off to school. . . .

  ME, SCOLDING DAISY FOR BEING A VERY BAD DOG!

  I can’t believe Daisy is actually a SNEAKY SAUSAGE SNATCHER. But hey! She’s MY adorable little sneaky sausage snatcher!

  I just could NOT understand how something so small, cute, and cuddly could completely TRASH our home in less than three minutes.

  There is just ONE major difference between Daisy and my bratty little sister, Brianna.

  Brianna is supposed to go potty INSIDE but sometimes has accidents OUTSIDE! And Daisy is supposed to go potty OUTSIDE but sometimes has accidents INSIDE!

  I had barely started cleaning up the huge mess Daisy had made when I had to rush her outside to use the bathroom.

  Afterward, she waded through a mud puddle and then playfully jumped all over me.

  OMG! It looked like Daisy and I had been in a mud-wrestling match. And I had LOST !

  I was desperately trying to drag her back into the house when I unexpectedly ran into . . .

  OMG! I was SO embarrassed.

  I was completely covered in Daisy’s muddy paw prints, from head to toe. I wanted to open our mailbox, climb inside it, and DIE!!

  Brandon’s eyes twinkled as he bit his lower lip. It was quite obvious he was trying his best not to further HUMILIATE me by laughing.

  “Um . . . are you okay?” he asked.

  “Sure, everything’s . . . fine, actually. Daisy and I were just taking a little walk, and . . .”

  “Let me guess. You decided to roll around in a mud puddle?” Brandon grinned.

  I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at him.

  Brandon explained that he was up early delivering material to the person designing a donation website for Fuzzy Friends Animal Rescue Center, where he volunteers.

  Daisy happily wagged her tail and stared at Brandon like he was a human-sized doggie snack. He scooped her up and laughed. . . .

  BRANDON, CHATTING WITH DAISY

  That’s when I told him about all the mischief that Daisy had gotten into.

  “Brandon, I’m completely exhausted, and I just got out of bed an hour ago. If Daisy was a toy dog, I swear I’d take out her batteries and throw them away!” I grumbled.

  “That’s too bad. Hey, maybe some obedience training will solve your problem!” Brandon said.

  “Thanks for the advice. But obedience training sounds SUPERintense. I barely make it through the TEN minutes of warm-up exercises in PE class,” I muttered in frustration.

  “Actually, the obedience training is for DAISY. Not YOU!” Brandon laughed. “I’m very sure YOU don’t eat out of the garbage or drink out of the toilet. Right?!”

  I just stared at Brandon in shock. I could NOT believe he’d actually asked me such a PERSONAL question. How RUDE!!

  That’s when I started to wonder if Brianna had been gossiping about me to Brandon behind my back.

  I would NEVER, EVER eat out of the GARBAGE! EWW !

  Well, unless I had a REALLY good reason.

  Like the time Brianna accidentally threw away the little white bag that contained my double-chocolate, double-fudge cupcake.

  I’d actually JUST purchased it from the CupCakery.

  YES! I’ll admit I had to dig through the garbage to find it.

  And there was a big blob of jelly, a half-eaten fish stick, and slimy oatmeal stuck to the outside of the bag that looked pretty nasty.

  But the cupcake inside seemed okay, so I actually ATE it. . . .

  ME, EATING OUT OF THE GARBAGE!

  I would NEVER, EVER drink anything as gross as TOILET water! EWW !

  Well, I wouldn’t drink it on purpose, anyway.

  A few weeks ago Brianna’s teddy bear, Hans, accidentally fell into the toilet. A gallon of toilet water splashed all over me while I was screaming. . . .

  ME, SWALLOWING TOILET WATER!

  But I DIDN’T have my head stuck inside the toilet bowl, GUZZLING the water like I was dying of thirst or something.

  I didn’t tell Brandon about the garbage or the toilet water because then he’d think I needed doggie obedience training ALONG with Daisy !

  Sorry! But I’m a VERY private person, and I don’t like putting my business in the streets!

  Finally he changed the subject. Thank goodness!

  “Listen, Nikki! I have an idea. I’d be happy to train Daisy. We can do two sessions a week, right in your backyard.”

  “That sounds FANTASTIC!” I exclaimed. “How about Wednesdays and Saturdays, starting this Saturday?”

  “No problem! I’m really looking forward to us hanging out. It’s going to be fun!”

  “Well, Daisy loves hanging out with YOU!” I said.

  That’s when Brandon STARED right into the . . . murky depths of my . . . inner soul. Then he smiled kind of shy-like and brushed his shaggy bangs out of his eyes. I thought I was going to MELT!

  “Actually, I’m looking forward to hanging out with YOU. Not your DOG!” He blushed. . . .

  YES! Brandon actually said those words to me!

  SQUEEEEEE !

  At that very moment, CRUSH-ITIS hit me!

  Like a TON of bricks! . . .

  ME, BEING HIT WITH CRUSH-ITIS!

  “Um, same here, Brandon,” I giggled nervously. “We’re going to have a blast! And by ‘we,’ I mean YOU and I. Not my DOG.”

  “COOL!” Brandon said as he gave me a crooked smile.

  “VERY COOL!” I blushed.

  Then I took several deep breaths and tried to calm the butterflies fluttering in my slightly queasy stomach.

  WHY?

  Because I was VERY sure Brandon would CANCEL the dog training sessions and REFUSE to hang out with me if I started PUKING butterflies on the sidewalk!

  Like, WHO does THAT?!!

  Only a complete WEIRDO!!

  We both just stood there awkwardly smiling at each other for what seemed like FOREVER!!

  Since Brandon had agreed to help me with Daisy, I volunteered to help him with his Fuzzy Friends website project.

  He was so happy, he grinned from ear to ear.

  So I’ll be drawing cute artwork for the website, which we’ll be working on mostly at school.

  I think Brandon and me spending more time together is a great idea!

  Hopefully, we’ll become even better friends than we already are.

  He likes me a lot and I like him a lot, so WHAT could possibly go WRONG?!

  Sorry! But I REFUSE to let anything or anybody RUIN our very special FRIENDSHIP!

  Anyway, I really need to stop writing. School starts in less than thirty minutes! And I STILL need to finish cleaning the house and change out of my muddy clothes.

  OMG! If my MOM came home from work and saw the HUGE MESS Daisy made, she’d have a complete MELTDOWN.

  She’d drop Daisy a
nd me off at Fuzzy Friends . . .

  . . . TO BE ADOPTED BY A NEW FAMILY!!

  I can’t wait to tell my BFFs, Chloe and Zoey, the very exciting news that Brandon and I will be hanging out together training Daisy AND working on his Fuzzy Friends project.

  And since Chloe reads a lot of teen romance and Zoey is into self-help books, I’m sure they’ll give me advice on how to deal with my CRUSH-ITIS!

  WOW! I just had the STRANGEST thought! I wonder if it’s CONTAGIOUS?! . . .

  YOU NEVER KNOW!! !!

  THURSDAY, MAY 22—9:45 A.M.

  AT MY LOCKER

  Yesterday during lunch I confided in Chloe and Zoey about my crush-itis and everything that had happened between Brandon and me.

  They were VERY supportive and gave me a great big HUG! . . .

  CHLOE, ZOEY, AND I DO A GROUP HUG!!

  “Nikki, you have more ISSUES than a two-year subscription to Seventeen magazine!” Chloe teased.

  “But we still LOVE you!” Zoey giggled.

  Chloe and Zoey are practically EXPERTS on teen romance and gave me some awesome advice. . . .

  First of all, a CRUSH can be a noun (the PERSON you’re obsessed with) or a verb (having warm-’n’-fuzzy FEELINGS for that person). Which means you can CRUSH on your CRUSH !

  It’s also perfectly normal to feel NERVOUS and a little AWKWARD around your crush.

  Heck, I get NERVOUS just THINKING ABOUT how NERVOUS Brandon makes me feel!

  But here’s the really crazy part. Because you’re a NERVOUS WRECK, you’ll often SAY and DO incredibly STUPID and EMBARRASSING things that make your crush-itis even WORSE. . . .

  HOW TO COMPLETELY HUMILIATE YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH!

  The GOOD NEWS is that the whole crush thing is mostly just harmless fun ! Your crush will probably NEVER even know you’re actually crushing on ’em.

  But the BAD NEWS is that even the mildest crush can potentially evolve into a CRUSH-ITIS CRISIS! And when that happens, you could possibly LOSE. YOUR. MIND!! . . .

  A CLASSIC CRUSH ESCALATING INTO A CRUSH-ITIS CRISIS!

  The SCARIEST part for me is that if my crush-itis gets worse, I could end up missing school!

  And what if it gets to the point where I have to stay in BED the ENTIRE summer?!

  I wouldn’t be able to do anything except . . .

  1. daydream about my crush

  2. doodle pictures of my crush

  3. listen to music that reminds me of my crush

  AND

  4. write in my diary about my crush.

  Suddenly I realized just how SERIOUS my situation was.

  “OMG! Chloe and Zoey! I could end up bedridden and suffering from CRUSH-ITIS for the rest of my LIFE!!” . . .

  ME, FEELING INSANELY HAPPY AND WISHING THAT MY CRUSH-ITIS LASTS FOREVER!!

  But the most important thing I need to remember is that the excitement of most crushes simply fizzles out over time when you start to mature and/or finally realize your KNIGHT in shining ARMOR is really a LOSER in ALUMINUM FOIL!

  Okay, I’m VERY sure that Brandon is NOT a LOSER in ALUMINUM FOIL. But I understand the point.

  Chloe and Zoey assured me that Brandon is a really nice guy and I am going to be just fine.

  So I’ll take their advice and try not to worry or stress out about the situation.

  Although, I must admit, having those cute little butterfly thingies in my stomach kind of

  TICKLES!

  We finally finished our lunch, and then my BFFs did the SWEETEST thing. They treated me to an extra-large HOT FUDGE BROWNIE SUNDAE from the snack bar!

  And when I asked why they were being so kind to me, Zoey broke into giggles and exclaimed . . .

  “Actually, we’re saving all our money for our summer tour. And buying you ice cream is CHEAPER than THERAPY!!”

  You gotta LOVE ’em!!

  !

  FRIDAY, MAY 23—2:30 P.M.

  AT MY LOCKER

  I can’t believe school will be over in a little more than a week. SQUEEEEEEEE !!

  Even though the entire year has been a nonstop DRAMAFEST, it actually went by pretty fast.

  Summer vacation is going to be a total BLAST!!

  In July my band, Actually, I’m Not Really Sure Yet, will be doing a monthlong national tour as the opening act for the superstar boy band . . .

  How COOL and EXCITING will that be ?!!

  Trevor Chase, the world-famous producer, has asked me to put together a thirty-minute show that includes our original song “Dorks Rule!”

  We’ll officially start band rehearsals again after the school year ends. OMG! I can’t even imagine going on a national tour with BRANDON ! And the rest of my band members too!

  Chloe and Zoey are SUPERexcited about our tour and have been talking about it nonstop. They also plan to post videos on YouTube of their tour adventures in hopes of landing their own reality TV show.

  They already have a name for their project: Chloe and Zoey: Teens on Tour!

  As their BFF, the LAST thing I wanted was to discourage them from pursuing their dream of having a TV show.

  But after doing my own show back in March, I am so OVER reality TV! . . .

  ME, FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE TV CAMERAS EVERYWHERE !

  I’m helping Chloe and Zoey brainstorm ideas for their show, and I’ll try to be supportive of them from BEHIND the camera.

  I ALSO applied for a scholarship to study abroad in PARIS, FRANCE, this summer !

  OMG! Can you imagine ME touring the city and hanging out at the famous Louvre art museum? . . .

  ME, SPENDING THE SUMMER IN PARIS!

  I know! To be honest, NEITHER can I !

  So I’m definitely NOT going to sit around holding my BREATH, waiting for a FANTASY SUMMER IN PARIS to happen. WHY? Because LIFE is NOT a romantic comedy movie!

  The BIGGEST milestone for me will be that in the fall, I’ll FINALLY be starting . . .

  HIGH SCHOOL !!

  YES!! I’ll actually be a FRESHMAN!

  High school kids are so COOL. And very MATURE. And really SOPHISTICATED! The BEST thing is that they’re old enough to get a DRIVER’S LICENSE!

  OMG! Can you imagine Chloe, Zoey, and me driving to school together EVERY. SINGLE. DAY?!

  And since we’ll be in HIGH SCHOOL, we’ll be very cool, mature, and sophisticated TOO!!

  I bet we’ll be so different then that we’ll BARELY recognize ourselves in the mirror! Or in a really CUTE hot pink sporty convertible! . . .

  CHLOE, ZOEY, AND ME IN HIGH SCHOOL!

  The best thing about high school is that I WON’T have a locker next to MacKenzie Hollister anymore. Thank goodness !

  Did I mention that MacKenzie transferred from North Hampton Hills BACK to Westchester Country Day on Tuesday?!

  YEP!! Just like the scary villain in a horror movie . . . SHE’S BAAAAAACK!!

  Yesterday I overheard MacKenzie actually BRAGGING to her friends that some NHH students had asked why she was leaving after barely a month and she’d answered them smugly . . .

  “I’ve lied, gossiped, backstabbed, started nasty rumors, destroyed reputations, and created chaos. My work HERE is DONE!”

  I mean, WHO says stuff like that? Only a self-absorbed, psychotic . . .

  SOCIOPATH!!

  Calling MacKenzie a MEAN GIRL is an understatement. She’s PURE EVIL in hair extensions and sparkly nail polish.

  When life gives MacKenzie LEMONS, she MALICIOUSLY squirts the juice in other people’s EYES! . . .

  MACKENZIE SHOWS OFF HER SKILLZ WITH FRESH LEMONS!

  I had just arrived at my first-hour class when I was handed a note from the OFFICE.

  Of course I was VERY worried. MacKenzie had recently tried to get me kicked out of school on a phony allegation of cyberbullying. It was very possible that she was stirring up MORE drama.

  Or maybe the school janitor had FINALLY figured out that my BFFs and I had been SECRETLY hanging out in his janitor’s closet for the past NINE MONTHS.

/>   We could be facing a week of detention !

  Anyway, after talking to the secretary, I received some surprising news.

  Our school is hosting students for another week of the student exchange program with local schools, and I’ve been drafted to be a student ambassador. JUST GREAT !

  I actually participated in this SAME program a week ago at North Hampton Hills International Academy. It was supposed to be the last week, but apparently the program was so popular that it was extended so more kids from other schools could participate.

  Unfortunately, my student ambassador was a selfie-addicted drama queen named Tiffany.

  OMG! The girl was TREACHEROUS! She made MacKenzie look like Dora the Explorer! . . .

  TIFFANY VANDALIZES MACKENZIE’S LOCKER AND FRAMES ME FOR IT!!

  I’d LOVE to tell you all the dirty details, but THAT is another DIARY.

  Anyway, the secretary said my participation as a student ambassador is MANDATORY! So I don’t have a choice in the matter !

  She said all I have to do is be friendly and escort the student to all my classes, starting on Monday.

  However, due to class sizes, she temporarily switched the times of my PE class and library hour, and gave me an earlier lunch period. So it looks like I probably won’t be seeing much of Chloe and Zoey next week .

  This totally STINKS because I’ve ALREADY made plans next week to spend what little spare time I have at school helping Brandon with his Fuzzy Friends website, planning our concert tour, and brainstorming ideas with Chloe and Zoey for their video project.

  Anyway, the school secretary told me the exchange student’s name and gave me an e-mail address.

  I think she said it was Angie.

  No, it was . . . Andrea.

  I think.

  I just hope she’s nice.

  Between the exchange student, Daisy’s training, Brandon’s Fuzzy Friends project, the summer tour, AND my BFFs’ YouTube videos, my schedule for the end of school is going to be . . .

 
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