The Assistant Wizard Quits Her Job

      Porphyro / Fantasy
The Assistant Wizard Quits Her Job

A little wizard girl is getting awful tired of being a magical assistant. Repetition, repetition! Everything’s repetition! It’s like with any other job, “only worse!”Well eventually, a little wizard girl gets fed up. She wants to become the wizard herself. The wizard can find another assistant. Any old stupid little girl can be an assistant. “But only someone very special can be…THE CHIEF!”A little wizard girl is getting awful tired of being a magical assistant. Repetition, repetition! Everything’s repetition! It’s like with any other job, “only worse!”At first, being a wizard’s assistant seemed to be about the most exciting thing in the world: she’d go out to the swamps in the dead of the night (witching hour!) and, with the help of a very weak spell, she'd SHOUT all of the frogs and all of the toads into a shimmering gold! She'd then easily collect the petrified specimens—hundreds of them and more. She'd do this with rabbits and birds as well, and insects and squirrels too. Oh and she would collect thousands of flowers…! And oh she would grind them all up...!And she would cook ingredient after ingredient, and she would clean pot after pot. (A dirty cauldron stinks like nothing else.)Well eventually, a little wizard girl gets fed up. She wants to become the wizard herself and forego being his assistant. The wizard can find another assistant. Any old stupid little girl can be an assistant. “But only someone very special can be…THE CHIEF!”
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    The Poachers and the Beast

      Porphyro / Fantasy
The Poachers and the Beast

After being CHASED and OUT-OF-BREATHED through the deep, dark woods, three men come across an abandoned cabin. Though it’s spooky and dark and suspiciously THERE, the three of them decide to go in and hide from The Beast—the terror that’s been stalking them.Soon after, they debate each other. Should they run, run and regather? Or just calmly and plainly (and COWARDLY-LIKE) accept their deaths?After being CHASED and OUT-OF-BREATHED through the deep, dark woods, three men come across an abandoned cabin. Though it’s spooky and dark and suspiciously THERE, the three of them decide to go in and hide from The Beast—the terror that’s been stalking them.Soon after, they debate among themselves as to what they should do. Run, run, run and regather? Or just calmly and plainly (and COWARDLY-LIKE) accept their deaths?
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    Lady Loverly's Chats

      Porphyro / Fantasy
Lady Loverly's Chats

Why did this billionaire tell neighbor ladies her youthful sexual experiences? That's all I'll tell you. Click the blue below to see why. Here it suffices to say that the story is short and free. Why read a summary when with little more effort you can read the whole thing? If you can't spare a moment more, you shouldn't be wasting time reading fiction anyway. Go back to work!"One can not judge a book by its cover." So we are told. But a cover is usually the only thing a reader has to base a judgment on. Smashwords tries to aid readers by providing summaries, one short, one long, for each book it distributes. For non-fiction this works well. But this, it seems to me, defeats the whole purpose of fiction. After all, one reads a story to find out what will happen. It’s the uncommon twists and turns that make a story interesting. But if a summary has told all this beforehand, what fun is to be had in the reading? Therefore, no summary of the present short story is given. It's short and it’s free! So read the whole thing and see if you like it. I ask you to do this because I think it is the best book judging method. To find fiction you like you must first read around enough to learn something of the style and stories of different authors. Then you can judge books, not by their cover, but by the your opinion of the writer. I'd like to help you do this. The present short story is one of several which I will make available free at Smashwords. Read a few (or all of them) and decide if you like them. It won't cost you a dime. If you like them, you can then purchase some of my not free (but still inexpensive) longer stories. All these stories are of one particular kind. To reflect this similarity all have the same cover picture, the Kitty & Rose shown above. So after you’ve read a few, you can, in fact, judge them by their cover. The common theme of the Kitty & Rose stories is human sexuality. This is not unusual. Most fiction concerns sex in one way or another; ranging from romances so sedate and demure an extraterrestrial could never know sex is at the root of everything described, to erotica so unrestricted even an extraterrestrial might blush. Kitty & Rose stories are in the middle of this range. All deal with human sexuality, but none do so explicitly. Rather, they are seemly. The dictionary gives three meanings for seemly: Attractive or agreeably fashioned; Decorous or conventionally proper; and Appropriate or suited to its purpose. With respect to appropriateness, seemly sex stories range from the humorous to the inspirational, but all concern human sexuality. So they are clearly appropriate. These stories are also seemly in the decorous and conventionally proper sense. For, while they treat sex candidly, they do not do so graphically. There is nothing pornographic nor erotic in any seemly sex story. Of course, different persons’ opinions about this may differ. A few consider frank pornography decorous. At the opposite extreme are those like the abbot of the monastery where the great biologist Gregor Mendel did his epochal research. This abbot thought Mendel’s studies were decidedly indecorous because they involved the sex of pea plants! Finally, there is the principal sense of seemly, attractive and agreeably fashioned. Like every author I exert my every effort and ability trying to make these stories seemly in this regard. But like every author, I must await your determination of the degree of my success. Since both of us will be pleased if you find them attractively seemly, I very much hope you do.Happy reading!BobbyBP.S. This is Kitty & Rose short story # 7, uploaded 2-22-2017.
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    The Gnome of Elderberry

      Porphyro / Fantasy
The Gnome of Elderberry

A girl goes for a long walk and ends up getting lost--which is highly unusual. Bewildering, in fact. Given where she lives, walking is really all there is to do. So how could she have possibly gotten lost? "Well, even fluent speakers make grammatical mistakes. And even fluent walkers take wrong turns some times." Or so she tells herself for comfort.Little does the girl know!A girl goes for a long walk and ends up getting lost--which is highly unusual. Bewildering, in fact. Given where she lives, walking is really all there is to do. So how could she have possibly gotten lost? "Well, even fluent speakers make grammatical mistakes. And even fluent walkers take wrong turns some times." Or so she tells herself for comfort.Little does the girl know! Little does she know how very far away she wandered from home!Little does she know in order to get back, she'll have to rely on the foulest, nastiest, meanest and bickering-est Gnome who's ever been.
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    The Devil as the Monk

      Porphyro / Fantasy
The Devil as the Monk

When a girl walks into a monastery, she disrupts all order. But when she’s visited by an angel, it’s pure chaos.A girl walks into a monastery and disrupts all order. Everything is havoc for a few days--maybe a week. Maybe two. But monks are resilient, aren’t they? They are, they are. Yes they are. The persevere--they endure. They get used to her. They even try to incorporate her.But then one day, she’s visited by an angel. An actual angel! After that, it’s beyond “disrupting all order.” It’s pure chaos. Part-play, part-picture book. The pictures are included to help those of you with wee-little imaginations visualize the scenes. Or perhaps the pictures are included to help my wee-little imagination convey the message: in the presence of an angel, be a saint; don’t try to turn the Celestial into man.But enough with all of this maundering chatter. The devil is loquacious. Or, at least, every single bore is. So let’s shush up. Shh. Silence is divine. “God? Are you there God? If you are, please answer me!” It’s why he’s always so quiet. So damn quiet.
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    Poison on my Pretty Lips

      Porphyro / Fantasy
Poison on my Pretty Lips

A first-time thief breaks into a lonely little place. She didn’t really think things through, though, and finds out too late it’s the Witch’s house. Now trapped inside, she’s desperate to get out.The City of Malva is rife with puritanical hatred for witches. It is said they embody the Seven Deadly sins of mankind. Amelia's only chance of saving her brother Nathaniel, a born witch, is to become a professed nun at Cathedral Reims. Enduring a series of trials including starvation, isolation, physical abuse and blood-sucking leeches, she will sacrifice all that she is to save him. Complicating all of this is the fact that Amelia can see what is lurking in the shadows. Shadowmen, seeking witches like Nathaniel to join their ranks. This group of Shadowmen begins planning. The results could be devastating.Oliver Cromwell, a dashing priest at Cathedral Reims, is the only one who can protect Amelia, her brother and save Malva. Yet, he may prove to be more dangerous than the shadows themselves.
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    The Five Aspects of a Witch

      Porphyro / Fantasy
The Five Aspects of a Witch

Five stories about five different types of witches. Because there ARE different types of witches...didn't you know? Well if you didn't, there's the Witch, the witch; there's the witch, the wife; there's the witch, the troublemaker; there's...but you get the idea.Some stories are in play format. Other stories are in story format. Most stories could have been written by a drunk.After years of searching the sky's and a successful career, something finally caught Bill's eye. Discoveries by an astronomer seldom turn the world upside down. He had his son's education and life planned out, but years ago when his son married, he rebelled. Could and would he help him now? Family is usually something you can depend on. Retired and sitting in a restaurant in San Francisco, there's an earthquake. Bill is wheelchair bound at the age of eighty-three, because he lost a leg in Thailand. They say your life flashes in front of your eyes when death threatens. When earthquake victims are rescued, they are moved to a safe location, right? However when Bill is rescued, his descendants try to kill him. He sends them a message stating that he only wants to enjoy his retirement. Is greed their only reason? Who will help him?
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