Love me, p.8
Love Me, page 8
Chapter Eight
Confessions
“So, Tammie, how are things?” Max hems. He sits down beside Tammie for lunch, all smiles. She smiles back, but does nothing more, and Max can’t tell if she wants to continue a conversation.
“Things are okay I guess,” Tammie replies before filling her mouth with salad, her least favorite food. “And how about you? Things okay?”
“Absolutely,” Max assures her. He watches her for several minutes as she eats. Max stares at the copy of The Grapes of Wrath he placed on the lunch table.
“So, Tammie, how far along are you?” he asks. Tammie stops eating abruptly and drops her fork.
“Excuse me?” her voice is so low Max can barely hear her.
Max realizes his flub. “In the book we’re reading for English class. How far along are you?”
Tammie swallows hard and wrings her shaking hands. “Oh, I… I’m on chapter, um,” Tammie stammers and tries to remember what chapter she read last.
“Hey, Tammie are you okay?” Max asks with concern. “You’re shaking.”
“Chapter five,” Tammie finally blurts. “And I’m fine,” she laughs weakly. “I’m just hungry. I missed breakfast.”
“Oh,” Max allows her to lie. He’d eaten breakfast with her that morning. She shared more than half of it with him, claiming she wasn’t that hungry. “Make sure you don’t miss any meals, Tammie. You’ve got to stay healthy, you know.”
“Right!” Tammie tries to sound enthusiastic. She spots Devon out of the corner of her eye and takes an opportunity to display affection towards Max.
Tammie places her hand on top of Max’s. “So long as you’re here to keep me straight, I shouldn’t have any problems!” Tammie looks in Devon’s direction, but she can’t tell if he’s seen her, or if he’ll start looking. He seems to be completely ignoring her.
Tammie slinks down into her seat, her appetite diminished by yet another wave of rejection. Max watches Tammie’s demeanor shift and glances behind him. He spots Devon, then looks back at Tammie.
“Need a hug?” he asks.
Tammie nods and Max proceeds to make his way over to her side of the table. He gives her a long, comforting hug, and kisses her on the cheek before finally releasing her and returning to his seat.
“Thanks Max,” Tammie smiles at him. “I really needed that.”
“Anything for you, beautiful,” Max grins.
Tammie laughs and then bursts into tears, leaving a very awkward Max speechless.
“I’m sorry,” Tammie apologizes as she gets up from the table. She leaves the cafeteria so suddenly that it takes Max several moments to register her movements. When her departure finally sinks in, Max gets up and runs behind her.
Max finds her outside the school, near the marquee.
“Tammie?” he questions.
Tammie waves him away. “I’m fine, really. You don’t have to worry.”
“Something’s wrong, Tammie,” Max is determined to stay. “You can talk to me, you know.”
Tammie shakes her head. She refuses to share her heart with anyone else. Never again will she share her secrets. Never.
Max is at a loss. He hasn’t had much practice with comforting emotional people, particularly the female kind. “Tammie, whatever it is, it’s not the end of the world,” he places his hand on her back in an effort to comfort her. It doesn’t seem to work, because her crying continues.
“Tammie,” Max speaks firmly. “Stop crying like you’re pregnant, and tell me what’s wrong.” Max knows the moment the words leave his mouth that he should not have spoken them. Tammie stares at him, horrified.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Max apologizes. It had slipped out. How did that slip out?
Tammie is no longer crying, but the look on her face makes Max wish she’d start crying again. How could he be so insensitive?
“Tammie, I’m really sorry,” Max apologizes again. “Please don’t be so sad. Please?” Tammie doesn’t respond.
“Hey, let’s at least get out of the cold?” Max offers.
After a long pause, Tammie nods. She sniffs, and Max realizes she needs tissue. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Tammie allows Max to guide her to the girls’ room. He waits in the hall for her while she straightens herself up. When she finally enters the hallway, she is greeted by a large smile.
“That’s much better,” Max sighs. Tammie sighs too.
“Do you know?” she whispers.
Max’s answer is written all over his face. “Know what?” he replies.
“Max,” Tammie pleads.
Unable to lie, Max can only nod.
“How long have you known?” Tammie asks, trying hard not to let her voice catch.
“I just figured it out, Tammie,” Max answers as honestly as he can. “It’s not noticeable though, not physically.”
Tammie nods. “So I guess this is it, then?” Tears brims in her eyes, and Max feels a tug on his heartstrings.
“What do you mean, ‘this is it’?” Max asks.
“I mean this is it for us,” Tammie stammers as she speaks. “This is the end of our friendship.” Max shakes his head as Tammie speaks. “You won’t be able to stomach my presence any more,” she continues, “and you’ll tell me you don’t want anything to do with me.”
“No, Tammie,” Max would laugh if she wasn’t so serious. “Why would I stop being your friend? That’s ridiculous!”
“It must not be ridiculous if that’s what everyone else has done!” Tammie hisses. “The people I just knew would be there for me abandoned me. Jennifer ostracized me, and Devon broke my heart.” Max braces himself as Tammie erupts into another torrent of tears. He pulls her into an embrace, not knowing what else to do.
Max isn’t familiar with the time schedules just yet, but he is fairly certain their lunch hour is over. “Come on, Tammie. We’d better head back to class, huh?”
Tammie shakes her head. “I just want to go home, Max.”
“Okay, I’ll take you home,” Max doesn’t know why he offered, but he can’t take it back. O.K. will kill him if he finds out Max is skipping school, but this is an emergency, right?
That’s what Max keeps telling himself the entire way to Tammie’s house. It doesn’t ease the anxiety in his stomach any more than it soothes his conscience. He is torn between supporting Tammie and keeping his record clean. Truancy is a minor offense compared to what he’s done in the past, but it is an offense nonetheless.
“Max, what am I going to do?” Tammie stops walking and looks at him, desperate for answers he can’t give.
“I wish I knew, Tammie,” he holds her hand firmly. “But maybe we could pray for the answers?”
Tammie sniffs. “Does that work for you?” she asks.
Max shrugs. “It’s worth a shot. You’ve got nothing to lose, right?”
Tammie nods. “Could you start it off?”
Max chuckles nervously. “Me? I’m hardly qualified. I think God hears his saints first, so you’d better start.”
“Some saint I make,” Tammie shakes her head. “I’m having my boyfriend’s baby and I’ve been to church less than you have in the past three months. Your connection is probably stronger.”
“Really, Tammie I don’t think I can…” Max hems.
“Please?” Tammie looks up at him, pleading.
Max nods in consent and begins the prayer. “Okay, right. Now let’s see. How do I start?” He clears his throat. “Dear heavenly God. Um, this is Max, which I’m sure, of course, you already know.” Max stops and looks at Tammie, whose eyes are closed. He continues.
“Okay so we, me and Tammie, are here now asking you for some answers. I mean, we know you know everything already, but if you could just humor me while I fudge through this prayer. I know when I asked you to bring my mom back I was being selfish, but my prayers today are not for me, they are for Tammie. She needs you. She needs you to help her get through this tough time, and tell her what to do. She’s got some hard decisions to make. I mean, mistakes were made on both sides, and she needs your understanding and your love. So, um, answer her please.” Max pauses and looks at Tammie. “I think you should take it from here,” Max whispers.
Tammie nods. “Jesus, please help me to make the right decisions,” she prays. “And work on Devon’s heart, because I love him, and I really want his support. So God, please give him a forgiving heart, and a loving heart, and an understanding heart so that he won’t leave me raising my baby alone. I need a miracle, God. Please help me, and help Max too. Thank you for bringing him into my life when you did. He needs you, too. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.”
“Amen,” Max echoes. He squeezes Tammie’s hand and they continue walking.
When Tammie and Max arrive at her house, Tammie’s mother and grandmother are outside playing with her brothers and sister on the swing sets.
“Tammie!” her mother runs to her, anxious. Her grandmother eyes her curiously, but remains with the children.
“Tammie, what happened, what’s wrong?” her mother asks with genuine concern.
“I just didn’t feel well, and Max helped me home,” Tammie squeezes Max’s hand. Tammie’s mother looks his way in surprise.
“Max?” she eyes him suspiciously. “And why aren’t you in school, Max?” Tammie’s mother says his name accusingly.
Max looks from Ms. McLeod to Tammie, unsure of what to say.
“Ma, I just told you he brought me home,” Tammie sighs. Tammie’s mother pulls her away quickly from Max, obviously upset.
“Listen you,” Ms. McLeod begins. “I don’t know who you are, but Tammie’s a good girl. She’s not interested in buying whatever you’re selling, so you can just go now.”
“Mom!” Tammie exclaims, mortified.
Her mother turns to her. “Baby why didn’t you call me or grandma, or just let Devon take you home? You shouldn’t be walking alone with strangers, honey.”
“Mom, stop,” Tammie is ashamed of her mother and eyes Max apologetically. “Max isn’t a stranger, he’s a friend.”
“Well Devon is your boyfriend, Tammie, why didn’t you call him?” her mother demands an answer.
Tammie bites her lip and looks at Max, unable to hide her humiliation. She finally runs to the house, leaving both Max and her mother alone in what becomes a very awkward silence.
After watching Tammie run into the house, Ms. McLeod turns and glares at Max.
“We’re not down with any drugs in my house,” she speaks proudly.
“Beg your pardon?” Max cocks his head in confusion. With lightning reflexes, Ms. McLeod grabs his arms and begins running her fingers along the inward sides of each.
Surprised, Max jumps back, defending his arms from her unwelcome intrusion. “Hey! What are you doing?” he exclaims.
“If you’re snorting I can’t tell, but at least you aren’t shooting it up your veins,” she states matter-of-factly.
“Shooting?” Max’s confusion gives way to realization as she speaks. “Oh, no ma’am, I don’t do drugs.”
“Yeah, that’s what all you little white boys say. Next thing we know you got our daughters selling their bodies for a hit. Well it ain’t happenin’ here, understand?” Ms. McLeod points her finger in the direction he came from.
Max understands the gesture, wishes her a good afternoon and asks her to say goodbye to Tammie for him. He walks away, dejected.
•••
“I’m so sorry, Max,” Tammie apologizes over the phone.
“Who is this?”
Tammie pauses, realizing that it isn’t Max on the other end. “This is Tammie, Mr. Kent. Is Max there?”
“He shouldn’t be for another couple hours,” Mr. Kent replies. “He’s in school, Tammie. Are you at home?”
Tammie mentally kicks herself, hoping she hasn’t gotten Max into trouble. He’ll never speak to her again for sure if she has.
“Tammie? Are you still there?” Mr. Kent asks.
“Yeah, I left school early,” she stammers. “I wasn’t feeling well.” Please leave it at that, she prays.
“Oh,” Mr. Kent replies. “I hope you feel better soon. I’ve missed you at youth meetings. Is everything alright?”
“Yes,” Tammie replies quickly. “Everything’s fine.”
“Okay, well, I’ll relay that message for you,” Mr. Kent speaks slowly into the phone. Tammie prays he will end the conversation. He doesn’t.
“Tammie, can I ask you something?” he asks.
Tammie shakes her head no. “Of course,” she hears herself reply.
“Why are you calling my house at twelve forty five in the afternoon looking for Max?” he asks. “School isn’t out until three, so you calling doesn’t really make any sense.”
Tammie swears under her breath before replying. “You know, Mr. Kent, you’re absolutely right. I mean, only a dummy would call before school was out, right? But, like I said before, I’m not feeling well, and I guess I thought it was after three, or Saturday, I don’t know which. Sorry to bother you, bye!” Tammie hangs up before he can ask her anything else. Max probably won’t be allowed to speak to her even if he wants to.
Tammie is about to swear again when she hears her mother knocking at the door.
“Tammie? We need to talk,” she persists in her knocking until Tammie lets her in.
“Yes, mom?” Tammie rolls her eyes and sinks into her bed.
Ms. McLeod sweeps her hand along her silk skirt before speaking. “I wanna know who that boy was and how long you’ve been hanging out with him.”
“Mom, I told you,” Tammie sighs. “That was Max, a friend from school.”
“A friend?” her mother questions.
“Yes!” Tammie blows out in frustration. “Just a friend.”
“I see,” Ms. McLeod responds. “And what does Devon think about you spending time with another guy? I mean, you can have guy friends, sure, but why would you want to when you have Devon? Why risk him… misinterpreting a friendship? Especially with a-”
“A what, mom?” Tammie raises her eyebrows and waits for her to finish. When she doesn’t, Tammie finishes her sentence for her. “A white boy? Is that what you were going to say?”
“Well, yes!” her mother scoffs. “But, Tammie, honestly, a guy like him-”
“Mom, you don’t even know him,” Tammie groans. “And you don’t know Devon either, for that matter, so don’t you dare try to compare the two.”
“What?” her mother speaks in an injured tone. “Now all of a sudden you don’t like Devon?”
Tammie shakes her head defiantly.
“What, is this other boy rich?” her mother asks. “Does he buy you things that Devon can’t, because his mother is a single parent, just like me? Tammie I promise you if you’re running out on Devon over materialistic things-”
“He ran out on me, Mom!” Tammie blurts, louder than she means to. Tammie’s mother gasps.
“I’m sorry,” Tammie speaks in a softer tone.
Her mother nods sympathetically and goes to hold her. “Oh, honey, when did this happen?”
“A couple weeks ago,” Tammie sniffs, her tears returning with a vengeance.
“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” she speaks softly. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks.
“I just didn’t want to bother you with it,” Tammie stammers.
Her mother tsks. “Devon was your first boyfriend, baby, and you never forget your first. How you must feel…” Her mother sighs. “You wanna talk about it?” she asks.
Tammie shakes her head. “No, I just want to be alone.”
“Now I know that’s the last thing you want,” her mother states wisely. “But, I will give you some space. Let me know when you’re ready to talk, okay?”
Tammie nods in consent. “Mom?”
“Yes, baby?” Her mother gives her a hopeful look.
“Could you not tell grandma?” Tammie asks. “At least, not yet.”
Her mother nods knowingly and smiles before leaving Tammie alone.
Her mother will be so disappointed in her if she finds out she’s pregnant; her grandmother is another subject entirely. She is extremely fond of Devon, and besides she has high hopes for Tammie. Hopes that include breaking the family tradition of pregnancy out of wedlock.
Tammie can’t bear the thought of letting either of them down. Besides, her mother already has enough on her plate. She has to somehow get Devon back, so they can both take care of the baby. She can’t burden her mother any more. Tammie lets out a sigh just as the phone rings.
