Ziggy Two Step - Courier Extraordinaire, p.1Mark Goodwin / Humor / Actions & Adventure
Ziggy Two Step - Courier Extraordinaire
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Copyright 2011 by Mark Goodwin
This ebook is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations and incidents are products of
the author's imagination or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons
living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or
given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please
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Cover design by Jane Sladen
Special Thanks to Jane Sladen (My Partner)
who assisted me and proofread this story
Thank You to My Facebooks Friends
Who Encouraged Me
The Early Years
Ziggy was born and raised in Riverton, a mid-size town located in a small valley in Northern
Montana. Population 51,407. Crime Rate Low. Major Tourist Attraction - none to speak of.
His real name was Thomas Edward Haliburton but by the time he was 14 months old, it was
largely forgotten. Once he learnt how to stand homus erectus, it was not long before he took
his first steps, followed soon after with an increase of speed and forward progression that was
not always in a straight line. He zigged left. He zagged right. Rarely did he go straight. To call
him Ziggy Zaggy seemed a bit cruel to do to someone who had not passed his 2nd birthday.
His Mom, his Dad and his older sister Lynn all agreed that Ziggy was the only proper title to
bestow upon him.
At the age of 5, he could just about outrun his Mom. Two years later, it was all Dad could do
to keep up with him. Ziggy was known for speed - he was born to run. At the age of 8, Ziggy
was tall enough to be able to take 2 steps at a time regardless of the steepness which
challenged him. Ziggy never walked up a staircase but rather sprinted upward missing every
alternate step. Why climb a staircase one step at a time when you can reach the top in half
the time? Soon after, nobody called him Ziggy anymore. Instead they called him Ziggy Two
Now Ziggy Two Step’s life was not all that different from most boys his age. He liked to play
ball, his favourite ice cream was chocolate chip and he loved to dream of one day being rich.
He finished his schooling at the prime old age of 17 simply because his folks didn’t have the
means to send him on to college. Ziggy Two Step was no dummy though - he just lacked the
resources to acquire an extended formal education which was only available in Golden, a
larger town 50 miles to the south.
Monday June 27th
Ziggy Two Step had applied for a job with 5 Minute Courier which was located in City Central,
a 4 blocks square area right smack dab in the middle of town. It was a name the town folk
adopted for the business part of town and they all got quite a chuckle out of it. Even more so,
when the tourists (infrequent though they may be) never could quite grasp the concept. His
philosophy in life was time is money and Ziggy was not one to waste it. He was the ideal
employee for such a company and they hired him immediately. He was now the newest
member of the Bicycle Corps which consisted of him and one other, a friendly and likeable
young man who had migrated from somewhere in the east .... somewhere in the Orient to be
more precise. Some of the folks didn’t really regard Wung Chou as all that young, principally
because he was somewhere near his 70th birthday but he was very fit and young in the mind.
He was an efficient bicycle courier but business was booming and he needed help. What a
dynamic duo these two would become.
Monday, June 27th was his first day on the job and like any other new job, the day was spent
learning the ropes or more precisely, learning the quickest ways to get from here to there.
Ziggy was confident because he knew he was fast. A full-fledged member of the Bicycle Corps
of 5 Minute Courier. Life doesn’t get much better than that. Besides, everyone in town didn’t
really expect to get their parcel or package within 5 minutes. Heck, that was just the name of
the company, right? In fact if you have to courier something from one end of town to the
other, it might take 18 minutes or even longer. The town folk never complained.
Wouldn’t you know that Ziggy Two Step’s first delivery was a package to James Reynolds, the
Mayor of Riverton. The mayor’s office was, of course, in City Hall. To see the Mayor, if he had
time to see you in such a busy town, meant climbing the 12 steps, entering the front door and
proceeding to the end of the hallway and turning left ... or zigging left if you prefer. So off
goes Ziggy, peddling as fast as he can, down Memory Lane and through the 4 way stop
(slowing down of course) to arrive at City Hall in under 3 minutes. He jumps off the bike,
heads towards the front door two steps at a time - zigs a bit, attempts to zag to compensate
for the zig and collides with Mabel Hines, Riverton’s oldest citizen. Her purse goes flying into
a rose bush, her cane gets caught between her legs and she finds herself on the sidewalk. She
didn’t have a clue what hit her.
Ziggy wasn’t sure if he had hit something or not but he knew where his duty lay. A package to
the Mayor - what could be more important than that? So on he sped, through the front door,
down the hallway, slammed on the brakes so he could zig left and crashed into the Mayor’s
front door. Thankfully it wasn’t shut. He bounced off the door, handed the package to the
Mayor’s secretary, got a fast signature and headed quickly back to his bike.
Flying out the front door, he noticed a lot of people milling around. There was also an
ambulance and a police car. He knew something had happened but time is money and he still
had three deliveries to make before break-time. Plus he thought, what the heck, if it was
really important, he could catch it on the TV back at the office.
Package #2 was a heavy little sucker. It must have weighed 15 pounds if it weighed an ounce.
The manifest on the outside said Urgent: Motorcycle Parts. It was addressed to Los Banditos,
666 Angel Boulevard. Oh shit, why didn’t they send Wung out to deliver this one? He still
owed Pedro $50 for the last bag of weed he bought. Luckily for Ziggy, nobody was home so he
left it in the mailbox or what might have been a mailbox. He wasn’t sure ... it was the first
time he ever saw a box attached to a house which had the letters RIP on it.
One more drop off and Ziggy would take a well earned break. “This one should be easy”,
thought Two Step. A letter to Sam J. Irving, Crown Prosecutor. Oh nuts, no address. Wait.
Hold On. All the government offices are in the Dunlap Building. 4 easy steps up, in the door,
find Irving’s office and deliver the letter. A piece of cake it was.
Back at the Office
Ziggy had just enough time for a coffee and to catch a glimpse of the local news. After all
time is money. The local television was reporting on a hit and run which occurred outside the
Mayor’s office less than an hour before. It seems somebody had tackled an elderly lady.
Robbery seems to have been the motive as her purse was never recovered. The lady, Mabel
Hines, age 99, was rushed to Jefferson Hospital with undisclosed injuries. Two Step just shook
his head and thought to himself: People are amazing. What kind of a dirty scum bag would
rob an old lady for her purse. Whatever is this world coming to?
After the Morning Break
Now the rush begins. Wung left the office with 22 items to deliver. Ziggy only had 18 but he
had to go further. His first eight deliveries went off without a hitch. Well, almost without a
hitch. He did run into one small problem when he two-stepped up the church steps to deliver
a small vase inscribed “David Ash“. Damn cat coming down the steps should have zagged
when Ziggy zagged. That way they would have missed each other. Instead Ziggy tramped on
the cat’s tail, the cat squealed and scared the crap out of Two Step who tossed the vase up in
the air. It landed on the church steps but its lid came off spilling the contents all over the
place. Hell, no broom to be seen and no time to clean up. Time is money after all.
On the bike again .... wwwwhhhheeeee ... off he goes. Drop offs were made to Larry’s Drugs,
the two gas stations in town, batteries to Lisa’s Love Emporium and a brass bell to Captain
Ahab. Ziggy was ahead of schedule so he figured on one more drop and then a short break.
This was a delivery to the Coyote Softball Team at the edge of town. A dozen soft balls, so
the carton said. Down Nightmare Alley, left on Billy Bob, over the bridge and still made it in 7
minutes. “Damn“, Ziggy thought to himself, “You are damn good !” He had to waste a minute
because nobody was around to sign and finally he saw the coach in the upper bleachers. Time
for Two Step to two-step and before you knew it, he handed the package to the coach who
was really happy to get his hands on his balls. Ah, now for that well-earned break.
Say it Ain’t So
“What’s that ?”, says Ziggy. “Oh, it’s my beeper.”
“Ziggy, we need you to come back to dispatch. We have a live kidney that needs to be rushed
to Jefferson 3rd floor surgery”.
“I'm out at the ball field but I’ll be there in a flash”.
Peddling so fast you’d think the devil was after him, Ziggy sped back to town. The town was
surprisingly noisy for that time of afternoon. Ziggy was so concentrated on arriving at 5
Minute Courier, he barely took notice of the squealing brakes, the two loud impacts and the
far distant sound of a police siren. Spinning through the revolving door, he grabbed the
Styrofoam container with the live kidney in it and rushed back through the revolving door and
headed on down to Jefferson Hospital, the finest two-bit hospital this side of Kentucky. Ziggy
made it there in 1 minute 50 seconds flat.