A surrogate love affair, p.1
A Surrogate Love Affair, p.1Jaimie Roberts
A Surrogate Love Affair
Excerpt from Siren
Excerpt of SCARS
Books by Jaimie Roberts
About the Author
A SURROGATE LOVE AFFAIR
Copyright © 2017 Jaimie Roberts
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any other information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
This book is a work of fiction, all names, characters, places, and events are the products of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the UK Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
Dedicated to Amy, who loves pregnant bellies and feet.
You know who you are. xx
“I can be your surrogate.”
Those were the five words I uttered tonight. Five little words that stunned everyone into an awkward silence. My husband, Kyle, looked at me like I had grown an extra head. Sarah, my best friend, stared in disbelief, and her husband, Ethan, looked about ready to burst. What he wanted to say, I couldn’t tell. Everything after that seemed to be a blur.
“What were you thinking tonight, Alice? I know you want a baby, but this is going too far.”
As I sit at my mirror, Kyle hovering angrily over me, I slowly take off my earrings. We had just returned from a dinner party with our friends. An innocent dinner party that suddenly ended when those five words left my lips.
Blowing out a breath, I look at him. “This isn’t about me wanting a baby, Kyle. This is about me giving my best friend a special gift. You haven’t been there when she’s cried to me about not being the woman she feels she needs to be for Ethan. I’ve had to sit there and comfort her, telling her she is all woman and more. I’m the one who has had to listen to the heartache in her voice when yet another attempt at getting pregnant doesn’t work. I want to do this for her. I want to do this for both of them.”
While Kyle paces the room, I watch as the man I married fights the urge to scream and shout. I know he’s angry, but I also know he’s trying his hardest to keep it together. He spins toward me.
“Don’t you know what this means? It means you will be pregnant with another man’s baby! You will be the mother and Ethan will be the father. I know it will kill you to see another woman raising your baby.” When my shoulders sag, Kyle kneels in front of me. “See? You know it’s true, honey. How on earth will you manage to cope with that every day? And what about me? How do you think it will make me feel, knowing you’re carrying another man’s child?”
When a tear slides down my face, Kyle wipes it away. “It’s been over five years, Kyle.” I see him sigh, making me angry. “You said we would try for a baby after we’ve been married three years. It’s been over five.”
He sweeps his eyes over me. “Your body is beautiful, Alice. You’ve always looked so young and vivacious. Having a baby would just—”
I gasp, standing up. Kyle stands slowly, too. “So that’s what this is all about? You’re afraid if I have a baby my body will be—”
“Ruined. Yes,” he blurts out.
My eyes bulge. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “You selfish prick.”
Kyle holds out his hand, but all I do is look at it in disgust. “Oh, come on, Alice.”
I step back and walk toward the bed. “I can’t believe you’re saying this. So the reason you won’t have a baby with me is because you’re afraid I’ll get stretch marks and saggy breasts?”
Sighing, Kyle throws his hands up in the air. “It’s not just that. I’ve heard it from my mates at work before. They complain about their wives being too tired to have sex after having a baby. Many have gone as far as to say dinner’s sometimes not even ready when they get home. They’re jealous of me, though. Jealous of the fact I have a hot wife who gives me everything I need.” Holding his hands out, he walks closer to me, but I flinch away.
“Oh…my…god… I can’t believe these words are coming out of your mouth. Seriously?”
Kyle sighs again in obvious frustration. “You should be happy other men think you’re hot.”
I huff in disgust. I can’t believe I’ve never seen this side of him. I already knew Kyle was a little reluctant about having a baby, but I never realised how deep it went. It made me see him in a completely new light.
I narrow my eyes at him. “What would make me happy is to have a husband who supports me. What would make me happy is to seal our unity of marriage by starting a family. Isn’t that the way life goes? Isn’t that the life we agreed on?”
Kyle shakes his head. “Honey, plenty of couples get married and don’t have children.”
My eyes widen. “So now you’re saying you don’t want any kids? Isn’t this something you should have told me...I don’t know...eight years ago when we first got together? Eight years ago when you told me you wanted the house, the wife, the white picket fence? Did you just say all that to get me into bed? Was it all just bullshit?”
Kyle runs his fingers through his hair. “Of course it wasn’t. I’m just not ready yet, okay? I need more time. Is that too much to ask?”
I sigh, turning back toward the mirror before sitting down in front of it. “No, it’s not. But when someone you love and trust tells you three years, you don’t expect almost another three to pass you by with still nothing.”
Kyle growls. “I’m sick of repeatedly having this same fucking argument. Why can’t you just accept the fact I’m not ready? The more you push this, the more I don’t want to have any fucking kids.” I open my mouth, but he cuts me off. “Fuck this. I’m sleeping on the couch. Looks like I am one of those suckers at work after all.”
Kyle storms out, leaving me in tears. I knew he could be cruel, but that really hit me hard, and I’m sure he knew it. He’s the type who always wants to win an argument and, as long as he gets his point across, doesn’t care just how much his words sting.
Trying to push that aside, I think back to Sarah and Ethan’s house tonight. We had just finished our meal. Yes, wine was involved, but even in my woozy state, I knew I wanted to do this for them. I didn’t understand what I felt inside, but I knew I was doing the right thing. How? Well, I haven’t figured that out yet, but I know, in my heart, this is meant to be.
“Sarah and I accept the fact we cannot get pre
I was always a little jealous of the way he looked at her. It makes me wish I had that in my marriage. Mine isn’t falling apart, by any means, but Kyle can be a little aloof with me at times. It’s almost like he’s in lust with me, rather than love. From the moment he gets home from work at night until the moment he’s ready to leave the next morning, he constantly wants sex. In the beginning, it was exciting, but it’s now become a replacement for love and companionship. It’s as if I’m only his crutch. I want the sex, but I also want to be cherished. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
“What other avenues are you looking into?” I ask, briefly glancing across at Kyle, who gives me a stern look. The look that tells me not to go there. He always tenses up whenever anyone talks about babies. It pisses me off sometimes.
Sarah pushes her golden locks from her shoulder and smiles, which seems a little off tonight. It makes me wonder if she’s given up hope. I pray that isn’t the case because they would make a beautiful baby together.
Sarah is as stunning now as she was when we first met. We’ve known each other since primary school. Despite us being polar opposites…she has blonde hair, I have dark; she has dark blue eyes, I have light brown; she’s five-four and petite, I’m five-eight with curves…we’ve always gotten along.
Come to think of it, Kyle and Ethan are opposites, too. Kyle, having thick blond hair, is not much taller than I am, whereas Ethan has short dark hair and towers over me. He’s also more toned than Kyle, working out at the gym down the road from my job. He lives a healthy lifestyle, hoping it will produce a healthy baby. I know he is going to be a fantastic father.
“We’re thinking of surrogacy.”
Ethan’s voice halts my thoughts.
“Surrogacy?” I ask.
He smiles brightly, but Sarah’s is still off. “Yes. We realise now that IVF won’t work, so we’ve been talking about a surrogate mother. Someone who could carry our baby.”
I frown, looking at Sarah. “You mean, one who will carry the egg from you?” I look at Ethan. “And the sperm from you?”
“Not me.” I snap my head to Sarah. “My infertility runs a little more complicated than that. Not only do I have endometriosis, my eggs are of poor quality. The best solution is for another woman to carry Ethan’s baby.”
Ethan grabs Sarah’s hand and looks at her. “Our baby.”
The sadness in my friend’s face makes my heart ache. “It’s no use, though. The chance of us finding someone who is willing to carry our baby is virtually nil.”
Just then, something comes over me. It’s almost like clarity has formed in my head. It feels as though I finally know why I have been put on this earth. Like, for the first time in my life, I have a purpose.
Before thinking about the implications, I blurt out, “I can be your surrogate.”
Tears fall as Kyle’s cruel words whirl around my head. He could have been a little more understanding, even interested as to why I want to do this. Yes, I am curious to know what it feels like to have another life growing inside me—even though I know I won’t be a mother to the baby. I have been friends with Sarah for eighteen years. We grew up together, met our husbands together, laughed together, and cried together. We are almost like sisters. I wouldn’t think twice about doing this for my sister, so Sarah’s definitely no different.
Despite my husband’s obvious disgust at the thought, I need to go ahead with this. Something inside me still says it’s the right thing to do.
But I guess convincing Kyle is going to be harder than I imagined.
When I wake the next morning, Kyle isn’t talking to me…per usual. He knows I’ll eventually cave and be the first to speak. He’s as stubborn as a mule when it comes to arguments. He has to have the last word, and I have to be the peacekeeper. The one who says the argument is silly and can we just forget about it. It usually ends with Kyle’s excitement growing. The bulge in his trousers is evidence of this. He always ends up taking me on the table, sofa, anywhere just so we can have rough make-up sex. He says those are the best times. I, however, don’t agree. I always feel used and empty afterward, but I accept it because Kyle was my first. I simply don’t know any other way. Despite the fact I am unhappy in our sex life, I just assume all relationships are like this. I’ve never climaxed, but Kyle doesn’t seem to care, as long as he gets what he wants. I just feel there should be...I don’t know…more.
This morning, though, I feel different than usual. Kyle’s still angry, so it must be a shock to him when I get up, dress in my yoga gear, and head out to the gym without a word. This isn’t something I’d normally do. I’d always concede, making Kyle happy again. Not today. I need time away from my husband. Time to meditate and think things through. I really need to ponder whether my offer was as good as it sounded. I know I won’t change my mind, but I still owe it to myself to play devil’s advocate.
After an hour of yoga, I feel as determined as ever to see this through. I just need to know how Sarah and Ethan feel about it. Once I have them on board, it’s just Kyle I have to convince. I don’t know how to do that at this point, but I’m sure I can think of something.
After showering, I get dressed and make a hasty exit, phone in hand. I’m so busy texting Sarah, I run into a hard chest, hands grabbing my arms to steady me.
“Oops, sorry.” I look up, seeing Ethan smiling down at me. “Oh… Hi, Ethan. I was just in the middle of texting Sarah.”
Ethan pulls his hands away. “Yoga class again?”
I nod. “Workout for you?”
It suddenly feels awkward. We both look away, as if trying to think of something to say.
“About last night…,” I start.
At the same time, Ethan says, “I was hoping to talk to you.”
We both smile, then Ethan sighs. “Can we go for a quick coffee?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
We venture down the escalator to the Starbucks on the first floor. Ethan orders a cappuccino, while I opt for a latte. It’s quiet because it’s still early on a Saturday morning. That’s why I like going to the early classes. I miss all the shoppers. After ten thirty in the morning, forget trying to find a seat in Starbucks.
After sitting at a table in the corner, Ethan shifts slightly. I know he’s trying to work up the courage to say something, so I debate whether to put him out of his misery. Seeing as he’s obviously having a hard time, I decide to start.
“It wasn’t the wine talking.”
His head snaps up. “What?”
I chuckle a little. “Last night. It wasn’t the wine talking. I was serious about my offer. I would love nothing more than to give you and Sarah this gift.”
Ethan’s eyes light up. His boyish excitement has me almost giggling again. “You really are serious, aren’t you?”
I take a sip of my latte and nod. “Of course. It would give me so much pleasure to see you both happy. I know how hard it’s been on you two.”
Ethan looks down for a moment, shoulders slumping. “It hasn’t been easy. Sarah was ready to give up, but I pushed the thought of surrogacy. She was hesitant at first, but she’s coming around to the idea. I think she thought by the time we found a surrogate, she would be too old to raise a baby. We have been trying for over four years now. Nothing seems to be working.”
I bite my lip. “Did you two discuss this after Kyle and I left last night?”
“Yeah. I thought that maybe you weren’t thinking straight and would regret it by morning. I would have been disappointed, but would have also understood. I can see that isn’t the case now, but what concerns me the most is that we’re all close friends. You’d be a part of the baby’s life. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable knowing that every time you look at our daughter or son, it would upset you.”
I sigh, thinking about what Ky
“I hear what you’re saying, but it’s...” I sigh, trying to get the words out. “I can’t explain it. It just feels...right.” I roll my eyes. “You probably think I’m nuts to say that.”
Ethan laughs, shaking his head. “Not nuts. Courageous, selfless, and maybe a little bold, but certainly not nuts.”
I take another tentative sip. “What’s your overall opinion about this? Would you mind me being the mother of your child?”
He clears his throat. “I have been ready for this for the past four years. I’ve built up my hopes and dreams of starting a family. I’m just so grateful someone close to us is willing to do this. I think Sarah feels the same, but the biggest question of all is are you and Kyle ready for this?”
I grimace a little, remembering our argument. “I can safely say I am. I just need to speak with Kyle a little more. Like you, I think he thought it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing, but there is one thing he obviously still hasn’t learned about me.”
“What’s that?” Ethan asks, an intrigued look on his face.
“That I would never promise something I didn’t mean. Saying I would, then going back on it would be cruel to both you and Sarah. All I can say is I am ready, as long as you and Sarah are.”
Ethan takes a sip of his cappuccino. “Tell you what. Why don’t we give each other a few days? I’ll talk things through with Sarah, and you can talk things over with Kyle. By the end of next week, we can see if we still want to do this.”
I nod. “Sounds good to me. I’ll call you Friday afternoon with a decision.”
Ethan inhales deeply, the weight of the world seeming to lift off his shoulders. It’s a strange sight to see, but one that makes me happy. It just further cements my decision.
“I’m not sure if this will all go smoothly, but I must admit. This is the happiest I have been in a long time. I finally have hope again.”
A Surrogate Love Affair by Jaimie Roberts / History & Fiction have rating 4 out of 5 / Based on32 votes