The nutty neighbours of.., p.14
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       The Nutty Neighbours of Possum Road, p.14
 

           Iron Geoffrey
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Unwise-Man” explained Mrs Wigglit.

  David thought that Willan sounded a bit dull and didn’t believe the super-hero stories so decided to visit him tomorrow.

  The next day after school he was on his way round to Willan’s house, when he noticed a heroic looking person standing outside Studs’ house. He was wearing a black mask and had a large ‘W’ written across his tight yellow T-shirt. In typical super-hero fashion, he was standing proudly with his arms folded, legs apart and chin in the air. David went to approach the hero, but he suddenly and heroically dashed off up the street with one fist in the air.

  “Odd” mumbled David as he continued his way to Willan’s house.

  He knocked on Willan’s front door and a small lady answered. David gave his usual friendly introduction and asked if Willan was available. The small lady turned out to be Willan’s mum, and explained that he was on an errand but should be back later. David gave the small lady his mobile number and asked if Willan could call him sometime.

  On the way back up the street to his house, David noticed a character, who he assumed must be the evil Unwise-Man running down the street towards him. This villain was wearing a black mask and had a “U” written across his loose fitting black T-shirt. His pointy twizzly moustache ensured that nobody would doubt that he was indeed an evil villain with a dastardly plan.

  Twizzly Moustache:

  A type of moustache only seen on bounders. The moustache is black and pointy, allowing the unsavory person to twiddle it, whilst pulling an evil grin at the same time.

  The villain stopped next to a dirty black van and waited shiftily next to it. David hid behind a bush and watched to see what would happen next, when suddenly a pack of Jess’ dogs came charging and barking down the street. They all stopped to have a wee on David’s bush then ran off up the road and into the butcher’s shop. Seconds later they emerged, dragging hundreds of tasty sausages behind them. They ran straight over to the dodgy looking van, dropped all the tasty sausages on the ground, then scarpered back up the street again. The butcher was still leaning out of his shop, shaking his fist as the villain gathered up the sausages, loaded them into the van and drove off.

  Just when David thought that the day couldn’t get any more exciting, the hero arrived on the scene and asked him which way the villain went. David pointed in the direction of the van and the hero sped off in hot pursuit, one fist waving proudly in the air and shouting “Mighty Willan” in a heroic deep voice.

  That really was enough excitement for one day thought David, so he emerged from behind the wet bush and walked back to his house, hoping to have a nice rest in front of the telly.

  David arrived back home, grabbed some food and switched on the TV. After only a few minutes, his mobile rang. It was Willan, inviting David round for some advice and maybe some counseling. Although David was feeling tired, he always valued sound advice so went straight round. As he entered Willan’s house, he couldn’t help noticing that Willan was tall, very strong and had a prominent jaw. He then noticed a large teddy bear sitting in the corner of the room wearing a super-hero mask. David then also remembered that Wise-Man had shouted “Mighty Willan” earlier in the day, and he slowly started to put two and two together. David shortly came to the startling conclusion, that the rumours about Willan could actually be true! David plucked up some courage and said:

  “Excuse me Willan, are you the illusive super-hero known as Wise-Man?”

  Willan looked flushed and embarrassed but could see there was no fooling David so had to admit to his valiant double life as a super hero. He explained that he was currently trying to foil Unwise-Man’s dastardly plan to distract innocent pedestrians with tasty sausages. While the pedestrians are distracted, Unwise-Man steals their personal belongings and runs away. He managed to steal the tasty sausages from the butchers by hypnotising and brainwashing a pack of dogs which belonged to a neighbour called Jess. David explained that he had witnessed the sausage theft actually take place, so they both decided to team up and try to foil Unwise-Man’s plans together.

  David and Willan knew they had to act quickly if they wanted to catch Un-Wise Man so Willan quickly changed back into his yellow T-shirt, put on his super-hero mask and they went straight over to Jess’ house to borrow a sniffer dog. They explained to Jess what had happened and how her dogs had been hypnotised, so she flicked her fingers and promptly un-hypnotised them. She then went into her back yard to the sniffer dog enclosure, and chose the one with the very best sniffing nose, called Smelly. David and Willan went straight round to the butcher’s with Smelly, explained what had happened and that they were about to capture the villain who was responsible for stealing the tasty sausages. The butcher donated one more sausage for Smelly the sniffer dog to sniff. Smelly sniffed the sausage, pricked up his ears and immediately started following a sausage scent towards Bottomhamsted village centre. David and Wise-Man followed Smelly with his nose snuffling along the pavement all the way into the centre of the village, where they soon came across a crime in progress. An innocent looking lady was so fascinated by the sight of the tasty sausages that she did not notice the evil villain stealing her watch, purse, handbag, valuable earrings, shoes and fur coat. Before she knew what was happening, Unwise-Man had disappeared with her belongings and the sausages. Wise-Man raised a fist and charged after him shouting “Mighty Willan”. David also raised a heroic fist and followed on behind, shouting “Mighty David”. They chased him through the streets, round a couple of roundabouts, up a tree, and through Mr Ken Wong’s restaurant before the unwise villain was finally apprehended.

  Roundabouts:

  Never-ending circular roads. If you stray onto one of these roads, keep driving until you run out of petrol. A tow truck will then rescue you.

  As he was being restrained and questioned, the innocent looking lady who was the victim of the crime, suddenly re-appeared and charged towards them brandishing an antique frying pan. She was not such an innocent old lady after all but was the much-feared gran of Studs, and she wasn’t very happy. She whacked Un-Wise man straight in the face, then proceeded to whack him over the head and on his backside. Luckily a local policeman arrived on the scene and escorted Unwise-Man away before Studs’ gran could cause any further damage.

  David started thinking how Wise-Man could be involved in the Bottomhamsted Main Event. He then remembered that all events need a super hero. David then became very excited as he realised that the Bottomhamsted Main Event was taking place tomorrow!!

  THE BOTTOMHAMSTED

  MAIN EVENT.

  ‘Bottomhamsted Banger Race’.

  ‘One Million Pound Prize Money’

  Banger Race:

  A wild and dangerous race for smashed and bashed vehicles. The aim is to smash and bash the other vehicles out of the way and win the race. This type of racing is only for mad or crazy people.

  The Bottomhamsted Main Event was held this year to celebrate the momentous discovery of an ancient circular race track, which dates back to the year 1709. This discovery had been made whilst Jess’ dogs were digging for pig bones. Originally, the race track was used by peasants as a pig racing pit, and although it was a few feet below ground level, it would also be ideal for racing modern mean machines. However, the year 1709 did not sit comfortably with some Bottomhamsted residents, as that was the year of the dreadful methane explosion which obliterated many original buildings. A few fearful people were saying that the main event should not take place due to the risk of another blast. It is true that the race track is located at the lowest point in the village, where any methane fog would naturally build up. It is also true that some pockets of ancient methane had been smelt and positively identified by passers by. Despite these alarming facts, nobody seemed to care too much and many visitors were gathering for the start of the banger race, including pupils from David’s school.

  David had already made sure that all the Possum Road residents were aware of the race and that their damaged vehicles would qualify for e
ntry, so was expecting a good turn out. Sure enough, the residents had all arrived at the track in their various damaged modes of transport.

  As David had informed the residents about this great race, he was given the real privilege of being the Race Manager. His job was to wave the Bottomhamsted village flag to start the race, and also to help Willan keep out any undesirables. He also had to make notes of any cheating which went on.

  A large crowd of spectators were now assembled around the track, and were all looking down excitedly at the vehicles parked in the ancient circular pig racing pit below. Willan was in charge of ‘crowd control’ and already had to bring a few of David’s unruly classmates into line.

  Before long, all of the dented and smashed vehicles were lined up at the start and the various competitors were revving their engines and getting very excited about the race. Mr Ken Wong glanced from his rubbish rickshaw over to Studs and gave him an evil look. Studs replied with a snort, a grunt and a growl from his mangled muscle-car. Roy yawned aggressively inside his crumpled convertible and Jess looked serious but determined behind the wheel of her damaged dog-wagon. Lady Orange’s mashed micro-car and Max’s ghost-car were also lined up and both drivers were
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