Ian's Gang - Spot OnIan Kidd / Humor
IAN'S GANG - SPOT ON
Ian’s Gang (c) Ian Kidd 2012
Ian Williams woke up in his bed and knew this was it. Today was the day. No more excuses, no more delays, no more chickening out like a big fat yellow belly.
Today was the day he was finally going to ask Cody out.
Climbing out of bed and heading for the bathroom, Ian debated the subject some more with himself. Cody had been in the gang for several months now, and he had - if he was honest with himself - been smitten with her almost from the second he saw her. She was beautiful, funny, quirky, sexy and soft. They'd become great friends, but Ian wanted more. He'd wanted to tell her for a while, but he'd never had a girlfriend before and didn't really know how one went about such things. He doubted Matthew's perennial advice on picking up women - "Just club them over the head and drag them back to your cave" - would be appropriate somehow. Plus, of course, the paralysing fear that she'd say no. It would be so awkward and embarrassing. Then there was the other paralysing fear. The paralysing fear she might say yes.
But no more. The time for pontificating was at an end. Today was the day. No matter what happened, he was going to ask Cody out on a date.
Ian reached the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and literally cried out. In the centre of his forehead was a great, big, red, swollen, ugly zit.
Ian's shoulders sagged with a combination of disappointment and relief.
"Oh well...maybe tomorrow."
At a gas station on the outskirts of Maltby, trucker Jeff Nance had stopped for breakfast and well, er... gas. Inside the greasy little cafe, Nance was stuffing down an equally greasy combination of eggs, sausages, bacon and beans, washed down by the bitterest black coffee this side of Bitter, North Dakota, whose town motto was "We make the bitterest black coffee in the Universe! Well, North Dakota..."
Stuffing down this gourmet feast, Jeff kept one eye on his truck out the window. Several of the trucks had been attacked - hijacked - recently, their cargo stolen. Quite why, Jeff couldn't fathom, but then he wasn't paid to fathom. Or even to figure.
A combination of spot cream and make-up (don't ask) had led Ian to believe the spot was reasonably well concealed. Maybe he could summon the courage to go for it with Cody after all. Now fully dressed, he emerged into the corridor, in time to see Matthew walking toward him.
"Hey, Matt," Ian greeted him.
Matthew took one look at him and leapt into the air in exaggerated shock and surprise. "Aaarrrggghhh! Jesus Christ!"
Cody came running up. "What is it?"
"It's a bloody big zit!" Matthew yelled. "And it's got Ian on its face!"
Jeff was back in his truck and was just pulling out of the gas station when a car pulled up suddenly in front of him. "What the - " Jeff began. His annoyance turned to fear however when the car doors opened and two men climbed out, wearing balaclavas and wielding shotguns. "Oh crap!" Jeff moved to lock the doors, but too late. They both opened and Jeff found himself facing two shotguns at either side.
"Do not move."
Jeff put his hands up. "Hey, I'm no hero."
The hijackers climbed in, shutting the doors. "Drive."
Swallowing, Jeff started up the truck again. "Where are we going?"
"No questions. Just drive," said the other one.
Jeff noticed both men sounded the same, a peculiar squeaky note in both their voices. Probably related.
Jeff drove on. As he did, he realised something else about his two captors, something that made his skin crawl and the hairs stand up on the back of his neck.
There was something wrong with their faces.
Even with the balaclavas pulled firmly over their heads, Jeff could tell their faces were misshapen... lumpy even. As he watched from the corner of his eye, he could swear those lumps were even moving.
"Something wrong?" one hijacker demanded.
"What? No!" Jeff put his eyes firmly back on the road.
"Pull over here."
Jeff pulled the truck over to the side of the road.
"Do you want to see what's underneath these masks?" the other captor demanded squeakily. "Do you?"
"I... er..." Jeff flailed.
That's when the two men pulled off their balaclavas, and he saw what was underneath them.
Jeff opened his mouth to scream...
An hour later, Ian's Gang arrived on the scene to find Commander Wilburts and his men milling around the area.
"What's the problem?" Ian asked.
"Truck hijacking," Wilburts noted. "Fifth this month."
"Anyone hurt?" Charlotte wanted to know.
"Truck driver's okay. Bit shaken," Wilburts reported. "But the cargo's gone."
"Valuable?" Philip inquired.
"That's just it," Wilburts scowled. "This and all the other trucks that were hit were carrying the same cargo, though why anyone would want to steal it - and so much of it - is frankly beyond me."
"What was it?" Dean asked.
Wilburts frowned. "Spot cream."