Come by, p.3
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       Come-By, p.3

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  It’s wonderful what can be created when science decides to take the taste out of our once beautiful tasting food after they took it out the first time by removing monosodium glutamate; which is like telling a Christian their advisor, Satan, doesn’t exist.

  For instance, I have come up with a great idea with lovely rabbits which are now back on the up since rabbit farming began (but breeding wise, they still can’t compete with chavs? Maybe if rabbits could get benefits?). Have your gourmet saddle of rabbit, but what about this? ‘Saddles FOR rabbits’?

  Your kids can have hours of fun putting their Action Man dolls etc., on the new semi domesticated family posh dinner/pet (it’s called Micro Rabbit Farming ... comes under ‘living off the land’).

  If your rabbit is a bit placid (depressed), the Rabbit Electro Rodeo Saddle can add to the fun. Two electrical contacts on the bottom give the bunny a shock from the Rodeo Bunny control box, and wild rabbits can’t half jump and wiggle in mid-air when ‘poked’. If you’d like to see your kids put on a real live bunny rodeo and charge their friends to get into your garden, Warwick Davies’s little people model/actor agency so I’m sure he can help by providing a few cowboys and cowgirls? Please don’t buy them a sheepdog puppy, it may ruin the show.

  Dear reader

  Please don’t be scared to go to the Lakes, it’s only a story (it’s true). If you do go, don’t even feel that you had better be careful, because being careful is complete codswallop. People say to me ‘be careful’ ... of what? Being careful can have a person walking around like a paranoid freak in a state of negative expectation. Here is a little thesis on being careful.



  Beware of stupid do-gooder people who say ‘be careful’ when you are leaving the premises in order to take life by the horns and live it to the full; the prissy bastards don’t know what the freak they’re talking about!

  Ok, ‘be careful’ may mean ‘don’t climb to the top of the multi-storey car park and tightrope walk across a telephone cable to the block of flats opposite; because you like to live life on the edge. But, if you are innocently walking along the street when a passing plane accidentally drops a bomb, which goes off near you and throws you several hundred metres to your landing place, in some nettles. How were you supposed to be careful? Learn how to fall and land?

  The best way to ‘be careful’ is to stay in bed ... but, what if you’re laying there snoozing at 11.30am, in the winter, when a tiny shard of ice leaves a cloud. It falls and grows and, as it hits your roof it is a nine foot long jagged spear which goes right through your chest pinning you to your bedroom floor/living room ceiling. What makes it worse is that you were just about to get up because you’re bursting for a number two. Things you’re supposed to be careful of tend to happen as quick surprises. The statement ‘be careful’ is therefore a crock of shit uttered by someone who is walking the earth half asleep i.e. a pointless mode to come here in the first place, so they should all FOAD.

  Something it’s hard to ‘be careful’ about. This man, whose life is about to get lousy, was sitting down on a park bench contemplating something important, when a lump of wild 666 Blue Tac (born of a toy jackal) which was whizzing around, saw it’s opportunity.

  Blue Tac, (which can fly like a vampire i.e. when not in bat mode) when it is bored likes to form itself an arse, fly backwards into someone who was contemplating’s face, grip their nose between its arse cheeks and refuse to let go. You can get Blue Tac ‘be careful’ kits, but you have to be bloody quick because it isn’t slow stuff.

  Be careful now! Toodle ooo!

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