The painters daughters, p.1
The Painter's Daughters, page 1
Thank you for downloading this Simon & Schuster ebook.
Get a FREE ebook when you join our mailing list. Plus, get updates on new releases, deals, recommended reads, and more from Simon & Schuster. Click below to sign up and see terms and conditions.
CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP
Already a subscriber? Provide your email again so we can register this ebook and send you more of what you like to read. You will continue to receive exclusive offers in your inbox.
For my mother
And as for sweet Peggy Gainsborough, she lived her own unselfish life, and found her full complement of happiness in the love of those so dear to her, and never regretted the position and title which had been, as it were, almost forced upon her.
Emily Baker, from Peggy Gainsborough: The Famous Painter’s Daughter, 1909
If you have no dreams, you will live within them.
Robert Burton, from An Anatomy of Melancholy, 1628
PART ONE
PEGGY
Patina
First, the canvas.
Not one, but many. Great oblongs carried in and out, wrapped carefully in shrouds. Like bodies, we always thought as we watched them from the window. Like great stiff bodies, short, tall, thin, and wide, one for each of them as they came in their carriages and swept away again. And underneath the shroud, stripped back in privacy, the sheer blank expanse of it, the bareness of it, like naked skin.
The tools in his studio are meticulously arranged, like instruments in an orchestra; easel, palette, smudge pan, straining frame, primed cloth, maulstick, pencils as sharp as a pin or as fat as a finger, Dutch quills and swan quills, jeweling pencils and bristle pencils; a brush for every fleck in your eye, to smooth every coarse hair. Devices to conjure life, and then soften it back into perfection.
It is Saturday afternoon. Late August, the air hot and still in the shuttered house. And my father is beginning something, beginning someone.
The door of the studio is ajar. All is quiet. We loiter, Molly and I, hoping to be seen.
He is standing with his back to us, his fingers rubbing his cheek where the afternoon whiskers are beginning to grow. The canvas in front of him, waiting. In one hand he is holding something small and white. He dips it into a shallow bowl and raises it, dripping.
A muffled giggle, a creaking floorboard. He half turns.
“Now, who might that be?”
We try for silence, but Molly steps on my foot.
“Reveal yourselves this moment or be tipped into the paste water!”
He knows it is us.
“Hello,” I say. My voice is too loud in the afternoon silence.
He sees us in the doorway and stretches out his hand. He looks hot and weary.
“Come in, you vagabonds, and let me see you for a moment before I work.”
And then he adds, as we push the door too eagerly and it bangs against the wall, “But I have a dreadful head on me, so absolutely no singing, dancing, shrieking, disagreeing, and most particularly, no dangling from my neck.”
Molly is fond of dangling from his neck although she is older than me, and heavier.
“What are you doing?” I ask him.
“He is washing the canvas,” Molly says. “I’ve seen him before.”
“Not washing it, Moll, but getting it ready. Come here and I will show you.”
The studio smells of paint and soap and stale beer and some other smell I do not know, but that rests on my father’s hands and hair and on the sleeves of his jacket.
“Now then,” he says, “the Captain first, as she is the smallest. Hold out your hand, Peg.”
I stretch out my upturned palm, and into it he puts a stone, rough and white like bone. And then he wraps his own large hand around it, guiding, dipping the pumice down into the bowl of water and bringing it out. Together we move it over the canvas, smoothing, working away at the knots and bumps. His hand is red and lined, a working hand, and mine is a shell inside it.
“That’s it, my Captain,” he says. “Gently now.”
We dip the stone again, and there is no sound but our breathing and the water sloshing gently in the bowl, and then the rasp of the stone against the skin of the canvas.
Molly hangs beside me, watching.
“When is it my turn?” she says. “When is my turn? Is it my turn now?”
“Wait a moment, my Molly.”
“It isn’t your turn, Moll,” I say. “It’s still mine.”
Water trickles down my arm, tracking its way toward the sleeve of my dress, and I want to stop it tickling, but I do not want it ever to stop being my turn.
Molly leans in, brown curls falling over her face, and she is reaching out to tap our father’s arm, to ask again, but sharp footsteps cut across the floor. It is our mother, fat beads of sweat on her upper lip, coming at us in a flurry of words.
Lady Astor is coming, she is saying, to see about a portrait, and we must leave at once, and Peggy, go and change your dress immediately, it has splashes and drips all down the front of it, and what are we doing in here anyway, tormenting our father, who has plenty to do that is not taking care of little girls, and dear God, Thomas, must it always smell of beer in here, and out, out and find something else to do. Out, out, out!
And so we are banished, and hurry from the room, my hands still dripping. Together we slip back through the hallway, past the carefully hung portraits that say, Look what happens here, look who you can be—two small girls vanishing like twin ghosts up the stairs off to find another game, another way to pass the time. We are invited in together, we are conspirators together; welcomed, banished, summoned, always together. And when Molly forgets, I remember for her.
Later, when the canvas is smooth and dry, unmarred and unmarked and ready, he will show us how to paint the first layer, a rich ochre red, the color of earth and blood all mixed up together. Because the earth color will not kill the other colors, he tells us, and we think it is funny, the red letting all the other colors live. Red for justice, virtue, and defense; green for hope; carnation for subtlety and deceit; popinjay for wantonness. Hidden messages to warn, to praise, to flatter. Each one blended into the edge of a ribbon or the fall of the light from the sun. It is a form of magic that only he knows.
Ever since those early days I have thought of colors as having their own life, their own agency, as if they are characters in a story, clamoring to be heard. Now I am the kind of green you get in shadows, terre verte, perhaps, the muted underpaint. That is what secrets do. But as a child in our Ipswich days I was pink, the tender pink of flesh, pale and iridescent against the dark Suffolk earth. And Molly too. We were the same color then.
Frame
Our house is broad and made of white stone, and it sits right in the middle of Ipswich, on Foundation Street. Inside it is always dark, from winter to summer, with stairs leading down to the hall where the walls are covered in face after face, red-hatted admirals and beady-eyed clergymen who stare back at you from their dusty rectangles. Our mother in her fancy bonnet is there. Our grandfather in his bob wig. On our father’s side, for we must not mention our mother’s. And there, in the center, high above our own heads, we too hang, twinned, in a vast frame. We aren’t for sale, exactly. We are selling.
Look up and see what my father can make you, for the right price. That is what we are saying. He can stop time. He can hold you inside the knots and flourishes of the gilded wood, caught in movement, caught on an in-breath. The shadowy greens merge and fold over one another in layers of paint: umber, burnt sienna, caledonite. I am reaching out for a butterfly, a cabbage white, the kind we find in the Ipswich hedges. My fingers hover over its creamy wings. It is my hand, I always think, and it is not. The hand in front of me has cat scratches on the back, and something sticky from lunch on the thumb, and dirt under the fingernails. The hand on the wall glows. It is perfect. We step through the shadows, our dresses gleaming lead white and Naples yellow. I look up at my painted self and wonder what happens next. What I would do if I caught it.
We must stay out of sight when customers come, but we watch them looking at our painted faces, safe in our hiding spot behind the banister. Molly puts her arm round my shoulder, and we crouch, as the silk slippers and brown leathers of the Ipswich gentry shuffle in and out like small creatures, wearing away the polish on the floorboards. When a particularly important person comes, a squire perhaps, or his small, stiff, powdered wife, my mother stands in the hallway and fans the door for half an hour beforehand, because when the wind blows the right way, you can smell the warm, sharp scent of the hops from the brewery in our house. This, says my mother, is inelegant. Molly whispers to me that she thinks it is quite inelegant to stand flapping the door about for all that time like a chicken trying to take flight, which I think is the funniest thing I have ever heard. For a while we pretend to be chickens, leaping over the herb beds in the kitchen garden, clucking and beating our wings, until Molly trips and bangs her nose on one of the sticks that divide the plants, and there is blood, and crying, and our mother comes out to tell us off.
In the rest of the house the walls are not covered in faces, not yet. They are a patchwork of countryside views, of brooks and fields and peasants and carts, and of trees that billow out as if the wind is moving the paint. That is what my father loves, and when there are no faces left to finish, he will take his easel and some bread and cheese in a napkin and come back late, red from the sun. Sometimes, if we are lucky, we are given brush boxes and water cans to carry, and trail after h
And then we hear our mother’s voice, as we always do, fretful, raised. “Thomas, I cannot allow it. They are running about Ipswich like wildcats. It will do us no good.” And our father will say, “It is how I grew up, Margaret, and it did me no harm,” and, “I will not have my daughters packaged up in silk before their time,” and, “Let them have their freedom, for now, Margaret.” And on she will rail, but on this one, single point, she cannot dominate him.
When she is petulant and defeated, he will put his arm round her waist and say, “Come now, Margaret,” and she will say, “Do not kiss me, Thomas, for your breath is extremely beery,” but he will pull her toward him and she will lean back and twist her round, reluctant head to let his lips meet hers.
As well as his yellow fields and his carts in brown rivers, he paints the two of us, over and over again. Our arms wrapped round each other; a closeness so thick you can feel it, our gaze always steady. In brown dresses as gleaners in the field, which we hate, and in our silks, reaching up to fix each other’s hair, which makes our arms ache. But when he calls, “Moll! Captain! Come and be daubed,” then whatever we are doing, even if it is something absorbing and wonderful, we leave it without looking back and run.
When you stand in the muted light of his studio, it is the quietest place you will ever be. It is not a clunking, echoing silence, the kind you get in church. It is a contained quiet, a silence so thick that your every move, even the rise of your chest as you breathe, is magnified. It is as if he is casting a spell, and he must take a part of you for his magic to work.
The last time before we grow up, he paints us with a cat. We are rather fond of the cat, who is called Barnstaple, and who slides in through open windows to find the warmth of our bed. He is fat and ginger and cross at being immortalized in oil. He wriggles out of our arms so persistently and furiously that in the end there is only the outline, the shadow of him left, mouth open in complaint, ghostly teeth bared in protest at his captivity.
My father intends to paint the cat in later, but Barnstaple is a prodigious wanderer, and continues his campaign of resistance. Whenever my father has a spare moment, Barnstaple has gone mousing, and will answer to no calls or bowls of herring laid out tantalizingly on the kitchen step. And if my father spies him curled up in the kitchen and creeps in with a pencil to take a rough sketch, the unperturbed Barnstaple will partially open his eyes, leap down from his perch, stretch magnificently, and pad softly out the door.
* * *
When Lady Astor has vanished into the afternoon in her cloud of heavy silks, and my father has emerged from the studio, mopping his brow, and my mother has asked him forty questions about timings and payment, we rest for a little while in the sitting room, just the four of us.
We are lying on the floor building a palace from our old blocks, and my mother is at the table polishing a silver teapot with a pot of something so black that it does not look like it will turn anything silver, even if she scrubbed at it forever. My father sits, one leg crossed over the other, absorbed in his reading, fanning himself with a pamphlet.
Molly yawns, wrinkling her nose. I can see all her teeth in a neat little line, and her shiny pink and wet gums, and what looks like a piece of lunchtime ham too.
“What a sight, Molly Gainsborough.” My mother looks up from the teapot in horror. “Close your mouth immediately.”
Molly shuts it with a snap.
“Like a codfish,” my mother says, shaking her head. “My goodness.”
She comes and puts her hand on Molly’s forehead, and I wish she would do the same to me, for it is so cool and comforting. “It is all your nighttime wandering that sets you off yawning in the day.”
She looks at my father and shakes her head again, as if it is his fault, but he continues to read, unmoved.
“Thomas. I said it is the wandering at night that sets her off yawning in the day.”
“Hmm,” my father says, which is what he often says when he does not want to talk about something.
It is true that Molly walks in the night, slipping from the covers and disappearing so that I wake to find a warm, empty space where she is supposed to be, and even though it happens all the time, I am always frightened by it. Now I have started sleeping so lightly that I wake before she begins to move, and can catch her to avoid the fuss that will happen if she gets out and wakes my mother. The arguments, and the worries, and the violet shadows under my mother’s eyes the next day.
Molly is only playing games, that is what I think, but no matter how much I beg her, she pretends not to remember anything about it in the morning. My mother says we should lock the door, but I beg her not to, for it gives me nightmares. I imagine us burning alive in our bedroom, screaming down into the road, or rattling at the doorknob while the flames eat us up.
“It is not right.” My mother shakes her head.
“She will grow out of it,” my father says easily. “It is common enough for a child.”
“Not everything is easy, Tom,” my mother says, rubbing hard at the teapot as if my father’s good mood can be removed with the tarnish. “You walk through life as if everything fixes itself.”
That seems to me to be a very nice way to walk through life, but something about it scrapes at my mother for reasons I cannot understand. They are like a pair of scales, I think. When he goes up, she goes down, and it is very hard to balance them.
“The girls are healthy. You overworry, Margaret.”
She chews the inside of her lip. “Perhaps.”
“We should be in a city.” She puts down the cloth and looks at him, a weary hand on her hip. “Where the girls may learn to behave in accordance with their class and lineage. And where you can get on.”
“The time is not yet.”
“You cannot stay painting in the backwaters forever.”
My father only drums his fingers on the table, and stays silent. Why must my mother make everything difficult? I wonder. Why can’t she let life be easy?
And yet sometimes only my mother will do, for all my father’s good humor. The way she knows how to bandage up a cut without it being too tight, or make the right sort of hot milk and whisky to cure an earache just enough so that you forget about it. She is very good at that. Sometimes she tells us stories at bedtime, secret ones that she whispers into the dark. And best of all, when she is feeling merry, or if she has a moment to herself, she lets us open her locked drawer of treasures and take them all out. We put them one by one on her bed and hold them up while she sits and watches us.
There is a necklace of green marbled beads, and a hairpiece with silk ribbon shot through it, and a pair of earrings that look like drops of water. There is a looking glass, and a little gold box with the letter F on its lid and a swirling pattern all around it. The box is so tiny that it fits in my palm and disappears when I close my fist. I love to play with it, to look at the tiny hinges and the pattern of red birds and green flowers. It is so beautiful and precious that it makes me feel strange inside. It is also a mystery, for Molly and I do not know anyone beginning with F.
“It belonged to my mother” is all our mother will say. And then, when we press her, “It was a gift.”
I try to grasp at the threads she leaves dangling, to find out more, for my mother’s mother is never spoken of, and those particular threads are always pulled again before I can catch them.
“What was her name?”
Fiona, I think. Fiorentina. Francesca. Florence.
“Margaret, like yours and mine.”
I must look disappointed, for my mother says, “My goodness, Peggy, it is a perfectly pleasant and elegant name.”
Then she says, abruptly, “Put that down before you fiddle the hinges off.” And she tells us, as she always does, that it is time to tidy up and put everything back neatly in its place, or the next time we ask we will not be allowed to play with it. Fun, with my mother, is kept tightly buttoned up in case it escapes and causes mischief. We put the treasures safely back into their drawer and turn the key.
