Being a professional athlete isn't easy. Sure, they have money, ice-sculpture busts of themselves, and free use of team whirlpool facilities for their extramarital liaisons. But they also have obnoxious fans, conniving groupies desperate to get pregnant, and hardass coaches. Luckily, Drew Magary has written MEN WITH BALLS, the first handbook specifically for professional athletes. It includes tips on how to: Recover from rookie hazing rituals like the "Broomstick Olympics" Showboat using classical pantomime technique Respond to Internet rumors about your sexual inadequacies Featuring (made-up) advice from notable sports figures and scores of sophomoric yet informative illustrations, MEN WITH BALLS is essential reading for any athlete who wants to avoid prison, paying child support, or playing in Utah.

"The Hike is Cormac McCarthy's Alice in Wonderland—gritty and terrifying but with deliriously surreal twists and turns." —Jeffrey Cranor, New York Times bestselling cowriter of Welcome to Night Vale"It's kind of a more cynical version of The Phantom Tollbooth mixed with a game of Dungeons & Dragons." —Wired, chosen as one of "This Summer's 14 Must-Read Books"From the author of The Postmortal, a fantasy saga unlike any you've read before, weaving elements of folk tales and video games into a riveting, unforgettable adventure of what a man will endure to return to his family When Ben, a suburban family man, takes a business trip to rural Pennsylvania, he decides to spend the afternoon before his dinner meeting on a short hike. Once he sets out into the woods behind his hotel, he quickly comes to realize that the path he has chosen cannot be given up easily. With no...