Vegetable matters, p.1
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       Vegetable Matters, p.1

           David Barron
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Vegetable Matters
Vegetable Matters


  David Barron



  Vegetable Matters

  Copyright © 2011 by David Barron


  All rights reserved


  This is a story of pure fiction and all characters are from the authors own imagination

  And any characters portrayed are fictional


  Table of Contents

  Thomas Returns

  The Council of Twelve

  The vegetable army see an evil omen in the sky


  Thomas Returns

  There was open rebellion in the vegetable patch, the Earl of Carrotoria Sir Colin Carrot wanted to rule, and was trying to oust King Billy Brussel from his throne. There had always been bad blood between the two of them, but now things had gone too far with all of the vegetables taking sides. It looked like there was going to be a civil war, something had to be done, but no one had a clue how to bring the two warring factions to the negotiating table. Then one day a new hero appeared, Sir Thomas de Tomato, he had been very far away, and had only just returned, after many months fighting in the pea pod wars in Podnacia. He had fought bravely for the king of Podnacia and had been decorated with the order of the green pea, a great honour. His first stop on his way home had been the great greenhouse, to see his mother and father, and to revisit the place where he had been born. On arrival outside the great glass doors he was met by his cousin Theodor de Tomato who welcomed him back, and said that his mother and father had heard of his return on the grapevine and that they were dying to see him again.

  "This way cousin," "I expect this will be a bit provincial for you now, what with you going off and seeing the other side, the veg patch in the next garden."

  "Yes well I must admit doesn't look like things have changed much around here since I've been away."

  "Yes your right I suppose," said Theodore, "We live a simpler life over here in Brusellia."

  "You know I'm dying for a drink and some good honest Brusellia manure.", "Just can't get the good stuff over there." They walked on through the great glass doors where Thomas's mother was waiting for him with his father.

  "Ah son it's so good to have you back, but I'm afraid you've come at a very bad time in Brusellia's history." said Thanet his father.

  "Oh what do you mean father I hadn't heard anything as I came through the patch."

  "No you wouldn't have," "Everyone is too scared to say anything."

  "Well whatever it is it must be bad to keep anyone from talking about it."

  "It started just after you left to go to the wars in Podnacia,"

  "Sir Colin Carrot had went to our king and asked him for more land for him and his family, but as we all know there is only so much space and each of us must share or die."

  "It's always been two rows for all, but he has gotten greedy and wants more."

  "I see," said Thomas, "Well what's happening now?"

  "Both sides are massing large armies, and the council of twelve fears that many will die in the patch."

  "Who are the council of twelve father; I've never heard of them before?"

  "It was old Sir Crusty the Cabbage who came up with the idea that the wisest veg from each family would get together round a veg table and try to work out a plan between them to make everyone happy."

  "Well I must say that's the first sensible thing I've heard anyone do from around here ever."

  "Yes well all the veg thought that they would be able to find an answer, but Sir Colin Carrot is determined and nothing we say or do will dissuade him. They walked into the potting shed and talked for a while more, whilst cool drinks were brought and some martins no 1 manure for dinner. After dinner Thomas said that he would rest that evening but would ride on over to Sir Crusty's house the next day and see where he stood in all of this.

  Sir Colin Carrot was sitting in his Carotorium talking with his generals about the coming battle.

  "It's as simple as this that Billy doesn't deserve to be king."

  "It's alright for him sitting over there in his throne room eating on the very best manure, but what of the lower veg does he ever think of us."

  "The answer is no and why should he,"

  "He's so far above everybody he doesn't notice what's going on down here in the patch, why just yesterday my lovely daughter Lady Carolyn Carrot was eaten by a giant slug."

  "I say no more, I'm sick of him and his cronies, who's going to join me and fight this tyrant?" At that there was a great hurrah with veg of all types pledging their loyalty to Sir Colin. Sir Sammy Squash, was first to pledge followed by, Sir Brian Bean, Sir Ollie van der Onion, Countess Leticia of Lettuce, then Archibald Artichoke said he would ride at Colin's side, along with many others. They agreed that they would start the war for independence the coming Tuesday, as they hadn't had their dig in of new manure yet. Next day Sir Thomas rode out to meet Sir Crusty and see what he had to say about all of this. On the way he stopped in to say hello to his life long friend and neighbour Viscount Ronnie Runner Bean.

  "Hello Ron it's me Thomas how are you my old friend?"

  "All the better for seeing you here this fine day Thomas."

  "Are you home for good now then," "My son Lord Raymond said you was back, said he seen you ride by, and you were looking all shiny in your new red armour."

  "Ah you got a good un there Ron, he'll make you proud one day you'll see."

  "Yes spect he will, but right now his heads too full of nonsense, wanting to run away and join the army."

  "The army is it that would make a real runner of him that would, but your right he's far too young at the minute."

  "Has he said what side he'd likely be on?"

  "Why do you ask?"

  "Well I'm just trying to get a handle here on who's right and who's wrong you know, and who we can rely on if it all goes pea shaped."

  "I expect he'd fight for the king, but he hasn't said owt to me yet either way, as for me I've always been a king's man."

  "Would you like a drink of my own home brewed water fore you go Thomas, it's guaranteed to put leaves on yir bush?"

  "Aye," "Aye will an all Ron that sounds champion." After the drink of Ron's homebrew a mixture of pure spring water and martins No 2 manure, heady stuff he thought, but thought he'd better try to get to Sir Crusty's before night fall, for that was a very dangerous time in the patch. They had to always be on their guard against the evil Count Robin de Rabbit who could decimate a patch in mere moments. Sir Thomas urged his faithful steed into a slight gallop well he was only a slug, and before long he was at Sir Crusty's house.

  The Council of Twelve

  At Sir Crusty's he was led in to the Cabbagery by Sir Crusty's nephew Lord Carlton, who asked him to sit on a dandelion leaf while he went to fetch his uncle.

  "Ah," "Sir Thomas it's so nice to see you again after these long months you've been gone."

  "Yes sir and right glad I am to be back, but I hear dark rumours of war and it makes me very sad."

  "I have just come from a war as you know, and that was not half as bad as this one is shaping up to be."

  "Yes your right, this may be the war to end all wars, for neither side is willing to back down."

  "Have you spoken then with the members of the council that I hear you have got together to solve this issue?"

  "What is their opinion?"

  "I have and now it is finished, for they have all went and have now been forced to choose sides."

  "Do you think that Sir Colin Carrot has a just claim, or is he stirring up this war for personal gain?"

  "I do not know Sir Thomas but I am of the opinion that the status quo is always bette
r than war, what say you sir?"

  "I think I agree with you."

  "Then will you fight for the king?"

  "I have always been loyal to King Billy, and he knows he can always count on the de tomato's not to run out of juice." It was too late for Sir Thomas to go home for it was growing dark in the patch and the only veg out at this time of night were the patch guard, who would by now be patrolling their given areas Sir Thomas was shown to a room which was very tastefully decorated with marigold petals and had the sweet smell of lavender on the bedleaf which was the softest apple tree leaf to be had anywhere in the patch. Sir Thomas slept well and in the morning returned to the great greenhouse to inform his father of the latest news. When he returned all inside were making ready for the coming war. He rushed into the potting shed to see his father.

  "Father what's happening why is everyone getting ready for the war it hasn't started yet?" His father informed him that an envoy of the kings had been to see him whilst he'd been away, and said he wanted all his troops to be ready tomorrow, for he planned a pre-emptive strike on the Carrotorium.

  "My goodness he's not stopping to parley then?"

  "No he has
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