Mind verses, p.1
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       Mind Verses, p.1

          Deena Mehjabeen / History & Fiction
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Mind Verses




Dedication



To my mother--

Maa,

You pull me up and inspire me every single time I falter

























To my readers,

I am not writing anything that hasn’t been said or written before. But I’m writing them in my words. I write just how I feel or observe events and moments in life. Every poem I write is raw and honest; without any ornamental words.

My only wish from this collection is that my words resonate with you and that you feel like these words have helped. I hope you find what you need in time.

All my love,

Deena

May, 2017

























‘Just let go. Drift. Drift like a cloud in the sky. Drifting, into that special state, that state of peace. Don’t hang on to thoughts, don’t hang on to anything. Your mind is getting quieter and quieter. Bliss is taking over you.’

—Marlon Brando













Contents





































Life





This is for us

All of you in this layogenic world

This monologue is for us

We feel too much

We love too much and too soon

We worry too much

We give too much

Unknowingly to the least deserving candidate

For all of us who are too good for this often cruel

Tedious journey called life

That goes on in tandem

I hope these words glue us

To the feeling that we are normal

That we are a treasure

For all of us,

In love with boketto

You know, just gazing into space

Without a thought in the world

And not feeling silly about it

This is for all of us for whom

Just existing is exhausting

Living every day and

And going through each day

For us for whom

Dealing with life is difficult

It is to show you that

There are more of you

And there are more of us

And we’re in this together















Bullets

Barrels of guns aren’t

The only ones that

Fire bullets

Bullet shrapnel

That sear through

Our mind

Words can do that too

Thoughtless hurtful

Words create in

Our hearts permanent wounds

Harsh words pierce into our soul

It forms a gaping hole in our heart

Mean words scar us

Like bullets, they disfigure us

We don’t stay the same

Negative words defeat us

Insensitive words take

Something away from

You who says it

It makes you less of a human

























Kind words

You know how powerful

Words are, right?

Words that light us up

The kind words

Said with a smile

The encouraging phrases

Someone says to you

Those words make our hearts

Dance with happiness

Just one word

That’s all it takes to

Break us or

Build us









Meaningless Words

Why do we say things we don’t mean?

Why do we do the things we say we’d do?

Is this what it means to be the most evolved creature?

Does it make us the most civilized being on the planet?

So, that we trick people and manipulate situations?

Does this make us feel clever?

Does this make us feel superior to the ones we make a fool of?

Does this make us happy?















Evil

You’re toxic

And you don’t even know it

There’s an evil twin

Inside of you

It comes out

When you least expect

In front of the person

You don’t really mean

To hurt

This meanness

That’s in your words

The hatred

That’s in your eyes

You have a black

Heart growing

In that chest of yours

Beating silently

Behind the bright red

Heart that we all have

You say words

That would upset you

If someone else said

Them to you

You know all this

But you still want

Your words to

Hurt this person

Who loves you

As unconditionally

As she can

You are sorry

When the rage isn’t

Blinding your senses

And judgements anymore

But you’ve already

Left a scar that

Unkind words

Leave on your soul

Your ‘sorry’

Doesn’t fully

Heal that wound

It just numbs the pain







Judgemental

Form opinions

Develop thoughts

Grow ideas

Be a judge of your

Own character

Not someone else

Don’t criticize and

Embarrass someone

Talk to them

And discuss

Understand their

Point of views and

Make them see yours too

You don’t know how

They are feeling

You can’t see what

Your words are

Doing to them

Who gave you the right?

Just because she is kind doesn’t

Give you a chance to exploit her

Just because she truly cares for you

Doesn’t give you the right to

Play with her feelings

Just because she’s quiet

Doesn’t mean your actions or

Your words aren’t hurtful

Just because she trusts people easily

Doesn’t allow you to deceive her

Just because she listens to you

Doesn’t make her answerable

To your needs

Just because making someone

Happy pleases her

Doesn’t mean she

Is a doormat

Just because she

Cries easily doesn’t

Make her weak

Just because she

Agrees readily to

The things you say

Doesn’t give you the

Right to bully her

Just because she’s not

Fighting you now

Doesn’t mean she

Never would.













Growing Up

Remember the time when you were little

And felt grownups were annoying

And you wanted to grow up quickly so you wouldn’t

Need their help for everything anymore

Now, when you’re old enough

Do you feel the same?

Have you changed?

Do you think being a grownup is hard?

And you want to go back in time.

A quarter of your life has passed

And you still don’t feel like you’ve grown up

You still don’t feel like you’re an adult

You still have so much to learn

And so much to unlearn







Black clouds

The darkness

It ebbs and flows

Full moon hidden

Behind stormy black

Clouds of listlessness

Bouts of endless sadness

Blinding her from reality

And imagination

Making her forget

That these moments

Will pass

She feels helpless

She wants out

But doesn’t know

When or how

She doesn’t remember

To not listen to

Every single thought

That grows its limbs

Inside her head

She can’t see all

Those people who

Care for her

The feeling of not

Being able to bear

It all looms on her

The only thought

That of simply vanishing

And not existing

Keeps bouncing back and forth

Just like a pendulum

Back and forth

Back and forth















Few minutes

The few minutes of euphoria

Feels like happiness

Is it really?

Or is it just an illusion?

A happy perception

That fools you

And everyone else too





Anxious mind

Heart fluttering

Ice cold hands

Can’t breathe

There’s not enough

Air in the room

Take control immediately

Talk to yourself

Stop panicking

Command your brain to relax

Take deep breaths

Breathe in

Breathe out

And repeat







Bottled Up

Tears choke me

Sometimes without a reason

Frustration kills me

The knife of pain slices through

My entire body

Fizzes here and sparks there

Feelings I can’t describe engulfs me

Without any warning

A blanket of sadness smothers me

Unscrewing the bottle cap

Of rushing emotions

Crying myself to sleep

Losing count of the sleepless night

When my blue heart was

Confused and puzzled.













Switch it off

She just wants to

Stop her mind

From forming

Thoughts

All kinds of them

It’s too dangerous

Just for a while

To switch off thinking









Unknown

Not knowing what’s

Going to happen

Makes me sick

I react physically

My sensations heighten

My pulse quickens

My breath comes

In short gasps

I feel nauseous

Sometimes my

Head spins

My vision gets blurry

I have to sit down somewhere

Uncertainty scares the hell

Out of me

I want someone to

Tell me what to do

I want you to tell

Me if I’m making

The right choices

I want to stop feeling

Terrified of the unknown

























Rat race



Don’t let your heart

Be blinded with desperation

Don’t let your desires

Eat you up alive

Don’t be so consumed by

The rat race that

You stop being human

Nothing’s worth

Being this foolish













Starry eyed



You come from different parts of the world

You have stars in your eyes

In hopes of a better standard of living

Searching for a more secure career

Looking to earn a six figure salary

Expecting a comfortable life for your children

But it’s not always a dream come true

Sometimes it’s even more difficult than making

A mark in your homeland

You could have stayed back too

In a settled life

Sometimes you want to challenge yourself

Sometimes you want to leap out of your comfort zone

Whatever your reasons, know this much







Always keep your

Priorities in life straight

Analyze your decision with care

Give yourself chances to afford

The mistakes you make



















Is it too much to ask?

Is it too much for us to understand each other?

Is it too much for you to look beyond my gender?

Is it hard for you to accept me regardless of my race and ethnicity?

Does it make you raise an eyebrow when you

See me dressed traditionally?

Will it be an uphill struggle for you to know my religious

Faith is different than yours?

Does it make you cringe

When I want to speak in my poetic mother tongue?

Will it make you shudder in horror if I want to eat a deshi meal with my hand?

Is it too much if I ask you to appreciate my culture when I already adapted to yours?

Tell me, am I asking too much of you?



*deshi-traditional





Forced separation

The incessant cries of the new born

Doesn’t let me sleep

The pain I feel

In its mother’s cry

Is equally distressing

The infant who’s born as

A result of a mechanical rape

If born a female, it’s destiny

Is the same as its mother

And if it’s a male, he’s

In for a gruesome fate

A few years into life

And then he’s slaughtered for meat

The mother, she always suffers the most

After giving birth, her milk is

Robbed from its rightful owner

Her milk becomes the sole property

Large business empires

The mother goes through

Continuous cycles of forced

Violations of her female parts

Until she is exhausted from giving birth

And then the old mother is taken to

The slaughterhouse too

All through the holy month,

Unassuming herds of cattle are

Bought to be sacrificed

Before the festive day, the night air is filled

With their shrill fearful cries,

Guessing their imminent end

On the day itself,

I avoid looking at religious men

Running around with blood

Splattered swords

Pools of blood on roads

The smell of innards and



Raw flesh haunts me

Days after it all ends

When I eat plants and leaves,

Seeds and grains

I’m not uprooting the whole plant

I know I’m

Replenishing them again

When you kill an animal, you

Are taking that life

And it’s gone forever

























All Alone



Alone in the summer rain,

Alone when I shed teardrops in vain

Alone when I see roses showered in morning dews.

Alone as I see the evening sky lit golden pink

Alone as I seek the inner me.













Always wrong



For someone who’s so attuned to her feelings,

She manages to put her trust in the wrong people

People who don’t appreciate her worth

People who don’t match up to her morals

Or she can’t live up to their expectations

To her, it feels like a Them versus Her situation

She doesn’t know why she keeps on repeating her mistakes

Instead of learning from them

It’s a mystery

To her and

To them





Why don’t we build each other up?

We all are different

Our lives are not the same

But we are the same species

Our stories are similar

The struggles we go through

The sorrow we experience

Then why do we fight

Against each other

Why do we compete viscously?

Why are we hell bent on pulling down one another?

Why are we so focussed on picking out the flaws?

Why can’t we see the kindness in someone?

Why can’t we make ourselves speak

A few good words about someone

Even if they are grey and not angels?



Why are we so scared of helping our people?

Why are we so sarcastic of someone

Owning their genuinity?

Why do we rejoice when people suffer?

Why can’t our women stand up for each other?

Why can’t they stop being frenemies?

Why can’t we all be a little bit more human?

Or have we forgotten what being a human means?























To Hell with Patriarchy



My eyes are watching you

Watching me

Staring at me

Gawking at my body

Looking me up and down

Judging my clothes

Averting my eyes

Doesn’t help because
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