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       Poetry Collection One: Shadow Self Persona, p.1

           Ashley Rebecca Kingston
 
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Poetry Collection One: Shadow Self Persona
Poetry Collection One:

  Shadow Self Persona

  Written and published by Ashley Rebecca Kingston

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic means

  including but not limited to; scanning or photocopying without the prior written consent of the copyright owner.

  Only exception being, is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  Copyright © 2016 Ashley Rebecca Kingston

  Published: March 01, 2016

  ISBN: 9781311365446

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Contents:

  A Brush With – April.12.2004

  Against The Wall - May.31.2002

  A Short Thing Of My Fallings - March.29.2004

  Air - September.04.2002

  A Line For Your Life Story - July.14.2004

  A Minute - July.04.2002

  A Nothing Daughter To Her - March.08.2004

  Betrayal In My Eyes - September.09.2009

  Alex - Dec.12.2010

  Back In The Day - June.17.02

  Away But Here - February.10.2004

  As High As Heaven - May.13.2002

  All Alone - May.18.2002

  Anything In Everything - November.17.2003

  Before I Drown - January.05.2004

  Attempt To Disappear - February.16.2004

  Because Of Him, Who I Hate - March.08.2004

  Forever, Sweet Thing - Feb.24.2004

  Facing The Haunted - January.04.2010

  Dripping Tips - September.30.2003

  Can't - February.19.2004

  Don't Touch Me - Sept.17.2011

  Can Be Only Mine - July.24.2011

  Box - January.12.2002

  Horrid Occurrence - December.21.2010

  Can't Quiet The Chaos - May.07.2004

  Broken And Numb - July.18.2011

  How Can Two Ever Be One - May 01.2012

  Nothing To Stop - February.14.2004

  I've Lost Time - May.27.2012

  My Open - November.05.2002

  Masochist - January.17.2011

  If Ever I Found Out - August.17.2004

  Into Those Eyes Is The Beginning - August.17.2010

  Is Now - May.21.2002

  I Hear Music - August.24.2004

  How To Not Be Blind By You - Oct.12.2012

  Pit Of Hell - December.14.2001

  You Were Always - April.29.2002

  Shut It - December.04.2001

  White Painting - February.24.2004

  What Do I Do Now - Sept.28.2012

  Walking In - September.17.2011

  Sometimes I Think, Of What He Said - November.09.2003

  Then A Pause - November.21.2012

  Waiting For - August.11.2010

  Seven Days Past - March.01.2010

  Resting Upon - July.15.2004

  Repeat - August.19.2011

  Sexual Being Developing - July.19.2003

  A Brush With

  April.12.2004

  a quick brush with luck

  a sudden urge to disappear

  some things are surprising

  yet others are just so clear

  if only you would pay attention

  to the heart of the ones you care for

  you wouldn't be so surprised

  when they tell you who they really are

  little things do not have to matter

  when fragile lives are at stake

  words can burn a thousand holes

  if only you were careful what you say

  Against The Wall

  May.31.2002

  Up against, a wall

  Finally hitting, the jagged brick

  Finding the big, ending

  Face to face, with my fate

  Up against, the hard cold wall

  Finding the end, of the game

  Finding out, we are the same

  Hitting, the darkness within myself

  Up against, the wall

  Finding my own personal space

  Facing my emotional, fears

  Finally seeing, into, myself

  Up, against a wall

  Finally, hitting the brick

  Finding, that big ending

  Face to face, with my fate

  A Short Thing Of My Fallings

  March.29.2004

  i know i should have told you earlier

  but i couldn't find the right words

  i haven't quite been myself lately

  i am sometimes too confused to even breathe

  but the point i wanted to let you know

  is i've only ever felt the meaning of life

  only twice in my lifetime on this earth

  and from those times i had been torn apart

  so i swore to myself that i'd never fall again

  for fear i'd never be able to put myself together

  but i think you are trying to pull apart my insides

  my wall of bricks sometimes doesn't seem as high

  Air

  September.04.2002

  a soft little whisper

  gathers speed on the wind

  fairy dust sparkles in the sand, at my feet

  trees, with weeping fingers watch me

  water, just barely touching, lapping at the land

  soft green moss, grows on the rocks

  secret islands, hidden deep in the forests

  i try

  to keep breathing

  i try, please just give me, air

  but it's so hard, not leaving

  it's so hard to stay, to fight for this

  when all i want to do, is stay

  when all i want, is it my own damn way

  when all there is left, to do

  all i keep wanting, is to be with you

  no fantasy tale of shiny knights and white things

  no lies and secrets, hidden beneath your sheets

  no running away, no made up story telling

  just a warm breath of air on my cheeks

  that is as real, as air through my finger tips

  A Line For Your Life Story

  July.14.2004

  Nothing is exploding,

  not quite a million pieces.

  There will always be darkness,

  that hole can't just be plugged.

  There is a hope of greater things,

  there are still chances,

  still so many chances to choose.

  Because there must be some reason,

  we just have to stand our ground,

  on whichever path is truly our own.

  You are a very blessed man,

  to have found a real other piece.

  And you have so many things.

  Yet life is like no movie ever made,

  you are the one living it,

  you write your own life story.

  A Minute

  July.04.2002

  In a minute, I'll collapse

  Fall apart, take a glance

  Take me away, from this place

  I feel alone, in my lonely space

  In a minute, all hell will break lose

  I've lost my past, all at once at last

  Falling from above, to the ground

  So cold and lonely, without a so
und

  In a minute, I'll collapse

  To fall apart, take a glance

  At what I was, at what I am

  I am not the same, I am everything

  A Nothing Daughter To Her

  March.08.2004

  a disrespectful, thing to do

  she can't even back her theories up

  i think it was horribly rude of her, incredibly hurtful of her

  to do such a thing with her memory

  she just skips the whole subject, pushes it to the side

  only acknowledging what she remembers to be true

  i want to hang up the phone, and run and hide

  scream my lungs out with my anger and frustration

  i can't stand being born, her daughter

  her blood courses through my veins, and it hurts

  she thinks of me as nothing, as small as nothing

  i cannot have a sane adult conversation

  because i am just so much smaller and dumber

  the creation that was tossed aside because of unforeseen defects

  i compare family relationships, to white horses and knights

  they are only figments of my imagination from the movies

  Betrayal In My Eyes

  September.09.2009

  Betrayal in my eyes, deny once, twice, three times.

  A look of disbelief stares back at me, digging deeper into me, questioning my existence.

  I am speechless after my fifth attempt in comforting her, I don't know what else to say.

  To defend myself or fix the tears ready to flow down her face and drown me in regret and guilt.

  So much regret. But would I really do it any differently? No.

  I will not let them make me wrong, I believe in my effort and pain in trying to help, only wanting to help.

  Not just me, but the former me I will not let unchain itself from my ankle.

  What have I become, what have I caused and forced upon others, we brush it off as play and fun.

  But this is real blood I search for and drown in, every time I close my eyes.

  Alex

  Dec.12.2010

  private moments, happiness enjoyed.

  this took time to grow.

  we exchange and nurture.

  conversations on ideas and trust,

  stories of boys and life.

  two sides of a coin,

  we couldn't be more different.

  thank you for the memories,

  i'm so grateful to have met you.

  so sad when space will separate us,

  i'll remember our friendship forever.

  we made a lasting impression.

  Back In The Day

  June.17.02

  Do you remember brother, when we were kids?

  When we were so young and small, so innocent and naïve.

  When we had nothing else to do, but entertain ourselves with playing.

  So long ago, you and I were the best of friends.

  Just you and I, an older sister and a younger brother.

  Just you and I, no other stupid people, no other people at all.

  We were friends, through all the rough and crazy times.

  We even made it through those times our parents loudly fought.

  Not hiding away, but contently staying in my room just playing.

  Tape recording our voices and stories, reenacting, creating and laughing

  But I do remember, the moment this all suddenly changed.

  When my some sort of life found and took me away, when I grew up.

  But now I look backwards and forwards, and see only pain.

  To think of how things are now, and if they'll continue this way.

  It also hurts to remember, and regret the other parts of my childhood.

  I am terrified of what I will never do, and what I haven’t accomplished or forgiven.

  I try to change things for the better, but some things just can't be undone.

  Like a real true friendship, or a real true family.

  I look at how things are now, and how bleak this future looks.

  I stand frozen in fear, of what I know will soon be next.

  I don't know if I want things to change, if only into some other kind of hell.

  I wouldn't be able to stand it, if anything else were to go so awry and wrong.

  I need to fix a lot of things, but only find myself unable to move.

  Because I just care too much, and honestly shouldn’t really be left alone.

  Do you remember brother, when we were young children?

  When we were so silly and stupid, so ignorant and carefree.

  When we had nothing else to do, but entertain ourselves in our imaginations.

  So long ago, you and I were the best of friends.

  Just you and I, an older sister and a younger brother.

  Just you and I, no other stupid people, no other people at all.

  Away But Here

  February.10.2004

  although you've been away

  you are still with me

  when i close my eyes

  you are tightly held in my arms

  holding onto my hand

  you never really left me

  i never really died inside

  because we couldn't make it work

  because you're always with me

  we were apart only a couple times

  feels like eternity this time

  but we find each other again

  in the darkness there is hope

  although you've been away

  life has been happening around us

  a lot of things have changed

  i wonder if we'll ever make it

  although you've been away

  As High As Heaven

  May.13.2002

  I feel as high as heaven

  To be grasped in his loving arms

  With love as a shield and armor

  I could go through any weather

  I feel as high as heaven

  With the stars as my pillows at night

  As to wish upon the planets

  For my loneliness to take flight

  I feel as high as heaven

  Hyped on the potion love makes

  Higher than the moon at night

  With you I can get through any fight

  I feel as high as heaven

  Without any regrets in the past

  No turning back now

  For love is forever lasting

  I feel as high as heaven

  Just like it will soon be some day

  Without any mistakes or lies

  I hope to be with you for just as long

  I feel as high as heaven

  With the stars as my pillows at night

  I dream of the future in ever lasting love

  When we'll fly just like the air above

  All Alone

  May.18.2002

  All alone,

  walking down the scary dark streets

  avoiding the cold sinister stares

  spinning this lonely web of life

  All alone,

  abandoned in the dark corners of this earth

  looking through other peoples’ lies

  hiding from the cruel shadows of life

  All alone,

  just dreaming this lonely life away

  with nothing else really to do

  wandering the streets to find no help

  All alone,

  to try to find any hint of happiness

  with not even a family to remember

  with nothing left to hold on to hope for

  All alone,

  just hiding from those horror driven shadows

  in the dark corners of the earth

  spinning what remains of my lonely web of life

  Anything In Everything

  November.17.2003

  Taken by the water,

  stripped naked, on the ground.

  Softly touched in secret places
,

  getting all wet, feeling every single sound.

  Not knowing what to do,

  but somehow knowing exactly what to do.

  Nothing at all was planned,

  with this so fleeting entanglement.

  There will be no more meetings,

  no more getting together in the dark.

  This was the last, but of the first, to just be taken and not be hurt.

  It was the place, they knew that much,

  but that was all there was for them.

  For every second that went by,

  there were no whispers, there was no time.

  It took forever, yet only a moment had passed,

  between them no words and no lies.

  It could have been, so many things,

  anything could of happened, memories made.

  But with the grace, of the moon that night,

  there were no plans on this happening again.

  No goals of acceptance, with the stars laid out,

  some blood was spilled and small scars left.

  Some seeds were sewn, but no accomplishments,

  just life in itself inside the cold darkness of.

  It started by the window, and all through the night, but only by the weeping trees.

  There were no words to be said,

  there was just walking, hand in hand after the deeds of love.

  There was just silence, below their feet on the land, and the memories left to be forgotten.

  Before I Drown

  January.05.2004

  No matter which way

  you look at it

  I am lost

  in my dark whirl wind of a mind

  And others just don't care

  just don't care one bit about me

  Because they live

  in their own little bubbles

 
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