Never trust a woman, p.1
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       Never Trust A Woman, p.1

           Andre' Mwansa
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Never Trust A Woman



  This eBook is a work of fiction, any resemblance to actual people living, dead or in between is pure coincidence.


  ‘’Someone told me to always say what’s in my mind, or in this case write it down’’

  I’ve never wanted to tell anyone this story, well muchly to do with the embarrassing truth it now has on me, but tell you what?, things of the past need to be let go, and the good way of doing it is dropping the baggage on your friend, or in this case whoever is reading this book.

  I was nineteen years old when I met the woman, I would call my own. Past relationships weren’t that good for me. I remember having a big crush on Mary Jane and later hated her after she cheated on me with Spiderman, followed my second crush on Katy Perry who cheated on me with a girl in that Kissed A Girl song. But I knew this one would/will be mine, mine (Although I haven’t talked to her yet).

  She’s Barbie, that’s her name, un-usual name for a real woman huh?, yeah that’s because she’s more of a glamour, and since I didn’t know her name yet, that suited her perfectly. She worked in a small town restaurant, that’s where I first saw her. And since then I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I know I wasn’t the only one having an eye for her, a lot of men did. One could see, how they looked at her when she walked to their table, how they could miss their mouth and spill coffee all over their shirts, how they could take a second glance at her and end up banging on the glass wall of the restaurant, I remember I once hit one myself. And not to forget how some of the men’s cars passing by the restaurant used to bang on each other. Thence, I knew it was going to be challenging to make her mine, had to do my best.

  If you have never seen a woman naked, just one glance at her will make you know more about a woman’s anatomy than those biology text books, and not because of what she wore, but because of the thoughts that will run through your mind after just that one glance. I once took my friend Harrison, to take a look at her (my next target) and he had said ‘he felt himself come’ immediately he saw her.

  So there I was, making my first step. I was in the restaurant, sitting at the far end of the room, so that she won’t notice every time I throw a glance at her. I’d only ordered coffee, it was only getting cold for I’ve done nothing but pretend sipping.

  She came walking to my table, and my face dropped sweat with each step she made. My heart raced, finger tips tickled, hands sweated, everywhere all sweaty, sweating in my armpits, sweating in my crotch. I didn’t even notice that she was already at my table.

  ‘’Can I get you another cup?’’ she asked looking down at me.

  ‘’Uh,…uh..’’ I really needed a cup of cold water ‘’just a cup of cold water please’’

  ‘’Cold water?’’ she said smiling ‘’it is snowing and cold as Pluto outside’’

  I faked a smile and said ‘’Yeah, but you’re hot,…….. I mean it’s uh really hot in here, I understand you’re using an air-con’’

  ‘’Looking forward to putting one up’’ she said ‘’now pass me that cup, I bet your coffee is cold already’’

  As I was passing the cup to her. Her skin brushed against mine, I trembled and spilled coffee all over my shirt.

  ‘’I’ll clean that one for you’’

  ‘’The shirt?’’

  ‘’No, the table’’

  She walked to the counter and I saw her disappear behind it.

  I was already outside the building when she came back, I didn’t want her to see more of me in that awful dirty shirt.

  When I reached home, I searched through GOOGLE using my laptop on how to win the heart of a girl in just five steps. I wrote them down and promised myself to put them to practice the next time I visit that restaurant.

  It was early in the morning and I run to the restaurant for both her and the coffee. I walked in and noticed that she wasn’t in day- shift. So I went back home, only promising myself to come back in the night.

  Back home, I took a bath, went through my how to get a girl list, sat on the couch and waited for the evening to come.

  It only felt like a minute and it was already evening.

  I once heard about how she had driven her car into a parked car outside the restaurant, how the other car driver came out furiously at her and how he had stretched out his hand saying ‘Hi, it’s okay, it’s okay’ immediately he saw her.

  Ten minutes and I was pushing the restaurant door, walking in. Only there was no one in, just her cleaning staffs. She looked at me and gestured me in. ‘’Take a sit,’’ she said ‘’I know what you came for’’

  I sat down and waited till she was done.

  She sat on a chair facing me with a smile.

  ‘’Nice shirt and short’’ she complimented my pink outfit.

  Rule No. 1. In how to get a pretty girl: Make sure you wear pink when going to see her, it always looks attractive to women.

  Rule no 2. Always keep an arm’s length distance. So I stretched out my hand, noticed that I was so close to her and moved a bit further.

  Rule no 3. Make sure your breath smells cool. I opened my mouth and sprayed in some good scented mouth perfume.

  Rule no 4. Don’t be yourself for she might find you irritating and grumpy. Well, maybe I’d ignored that one.

  Rule no 5. Be direct and say what’s in your mind. So I said ‘’I love you’’ looking into her eyes.

  ‘’No you don’t’’ she said surprising me ‘’you’re only in love with my body, I see the way you look at me’’

  ‘’Isn’t that one of the reasons people fall in love, attraction?’’ I asked.

  ‘’Yours is nothing but lust’’

  I was gobsmacked by what she said, totally utter-less if there is such a word. She was direct, maybe she has read: how to get rid of an annoying crush.

  ‘’But let’s say, I’ll help you by giving you what you need for a whole week while…..’’

  ‘’Won’t that have me walking like a penguin?’’

  She only smiled to my joke and said. ‘’While you get to do me a favor’’

  ‘’What’s that?’’ I asked curiously.

  ‘’Help me get rid of him,’’ she said ‘’my husband’’

  ‘’What! You’re already taken?’’ I said feeling disappointed.

  She felt the disappointment in my voice and said. ‘’I come from a poor family myself, my dad has always wanted to get rid of me saying ‘I was his burden’ and when an opportunity represented itself that is me getting married to a rich guy, my father as stupid as he was didn’t even have to think twice on this one, or care about the person he was giving his daughter to’’

  I was in for a shock for sure, but it was a decision between losing my virginity and killing a man. I guess you know what I went for, well not immediately. ‘’Who’s your husband and why do you want him dead?’’ I asked.

  ‘’Fredrick Puye’’

  ‘’Isn’t that the owner of this restaurant?,’’ I said ‘’that guy is your husband?, then how come you get to play waitress in here’’

  ‘’That’s another story,’’ she said ‘’all I know is he’s not you, the man who wants me as much as I want a man,……all he does is sit looking at his laptop, something he calls work and snore in bed when I mostly need his help, see? I’ve tried to both love and understand him but I just can’t’’

  ‘’That’s a tough one’’

  ‘’Yeah, that’s why I need him out of my life’’

  ‘’But can’t you do it any other way, like divorce or something?’’

  ‘’Listen,’’ she touched my hand ‘’do you want to have me for that one week?’’

sp; I nodded without thinking.

  ‘’Good, then kill him for me,’’ she said ‘’I’ve got the right weapon to make the job very much easier for you’’

  She continued. ‘’Tonight, take his life tonight, but make sure it seems like a looting than intentional, leave no clue for those bloody police men who can’t even run’’

  I did nothing but nod.

  ‘’Give me time to think about it’’ I said.

  ‘’Time? We ain’t got……..I’m giving you three hours to make up your mind, after that the deal is off’’ She stood up, walking to the counter, I watched as she did so and for the very first time I felt what my friend Harrison had felt when he first saw her.

  I reached home, sat on the couch and thought through it. ‘Have me for a week’ ‘Have me for one week’ are the words that kept playing in my mind.

  I knew this rich bastard had done nothing but hurt her, and when you hurt others they will also hurt you, guess that’s one of the reason she wanted him dead. She didn’t love him, that giving me an opportunity/ a chance for me to have a place in her…..

  I needed to kill that bastard, bad people don’t deserve to be on this earth, they are the ones that make life more difficult for everyone. This guy needs to be turned back to dust where I step on, sit, and shit on, a little.

  I called Barbie telling her that I was in, and that she should tell me his whereabouts.

  I was at the restaurants door 55minutes later, that’s where she had told me, he will be.

  I sneaked in without being noticed. When BANG! A pan hit my head.

  It was Fredrick who had hit me with it. I quickly withdraw my gun before I got another hit, pointing it at him, as well as telling him to drop his pan before I shoot.

  I saw him drop the pan, throw his hands in the air trembling.

  ‘’You haven’t been a good man Fredrick’’ I said ‘’today, you join your grandma’’

  ‘’Please please’’ he said ‘’don’t shoot, my grandma is still alive’’

  ‘’Then you join your ancestors’’

  I saw him pee in his pants, his legs trembling, I saw him drop to the ground right before I even pulled the trigger, or was it after?

  Well, I never pulled any trigger, the bastard just dropped right in front of me, and assuming he was dead from fear or heart attack, I left the place in a hurry.

  I went straight to Barbie’s house and told her the news. She was so pleased but when it was time for me to get my reward she gave me an excuse of ‘Sorry can’t BANG, I’ve HIV’’ I sat there pretending I understood, then asked her if I could get a kiss instead, when she said ’Sorry I’ve Glandular Fever, heard, it is transmitted through kissing’

  Defeated, I went home foiled.

  Turned out Fredrick did die for sure, but not out of fear or heart attack. When the autopsy was done, doctors found Atochinol In his blood stream, explaining that Barbie had been wanting him dead for a long time, and so she had been intoxicating him. But when she saw nothing was happening, she started looking for an alternative (me). So I never killed the bastard, poison did.

  She was later arrested and sentenced 45years in prison after the police found out that she only married Fredrick for money (Killed him), and what she told me about her father was nothing but a bloody lie.

  But if you were to ask me if I would have done it (the shooting), I would say I don’t know. The only thing I’m sure about is to Never Trust A Woman, for that’s half the reason I’m still a virgin right now.






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